[Linus]

Originally Posted by psykbutch

Hey there,

sorry if this question was already asked, I'm just tired of reading forums, and want to talk about this shit because all I ever think about is gender stuff, and whether I am a butch, or whether I might actually be a dude in 3 years/if I always was a dude. I think its funny that most people at least know what fucking gender they are, despite all their other uncertainties and problems. Not to say that gender issues cause the ultimate suffering, I'm just saying DAMN.

Question 1. Any ftm ever experience absolutely having to buy male only products? This used to drive my gf (now my ex) crazy. Has to be male shampoo, and when I found out I'm itching constantly because of dry skin, I was devastated that I had to go from super manly looking Axe to boring grey gillete, although its still "looks" manly. Its like I'm paranoid of being perceived as feminine?

If I had money and wasn't as aware of my overcompensation, you know that huge F350 going down the road with spikes in the rims and balls hanging and alla that? ...yeah that would be me lol.

Question 2. I've just now started throwing the idea around in my head about transitioning. But, I am a psychologist before any gender lol, and I say this because I heard this rumor (I think off of becoming chaz) that you become more "manlike" with the not listening to your partner's emotional problems and writing them off as illogical and alla that bullshit. (I mean, when you start taking T.) Personally, I think it IS bullshit, because females can be just as non-validating or whatever you want to call that dynamic, as a male. But, if there is any chance at all of me becoming less in tune to what people are feeling, fuck transitioning with a ten foot pole, no freakin way. Psychology is my passion.

Question 3. I have never been around, hung out with, or maybe even held a conversation with a femme. I don't know any femmes. I am attracted to butches and ftms, and I really don't even give a crap if I turn out to be a gay male after transitioning. Whatever. But, what in the world am I going to do if I get a really feminine client? I feel like I have this gaping hole in experiences, and I fear that I might actually have an aversion to feminine females altogether. Or something. What is up with that? Any ftms have this experience?

I don't consciously, intentionally sit here and think "I don't want anything to do with femmes" just to be clear, I just, this second, realized I don't know anyone who is.

I'll be honest and throw out there that my grandma who adopted and raised me was a straight, Conservative, antigay and (I swear to god anti-masculinty it seems) feminine individual. I was forced into dresses, and she tried to get me to mold into basic female stereotyped chores like cleaning(?), while I was out in the back yard trying to learn how to start a lawn mower.

Oye this is a lot of stuff that has been in my head for awhile, would like to know myself one day for sure.

Anyone relate or have thoughts?

1. Yes, i do look for male promoted products. Keep in mind that they aren't "male only". (with the exception of testosterone and the likes of Viagra). They are advertised to male-oriented individuals. As for Axe, they do have quite a few versions for dry skin (http://amzn.to/15j0Yr7) it just may be your local store doesn't carry them or sells out.

2. Yes and no. For the most part you are right that not much changes as a lot of it was before. I did notice one thing in particular: my ability to cry. You know those commercials about animals in need? Those would normally have me bawling. These days not even a twinge. It's really weird and freaked me out the first time. Entirely anecdotal, I've noticed a lack of emotions or a dulling of emotions. Doesn't mean that I don't experience them. I think how we express them does change.

3. You will always have gaping holes in experience because you cannot experience everything that happens in the world. Without knowing your background I can bet you've never experienced my life even if we're both transmen. The more important question, IMO, is the ability to listen and be compassionate, not necessarily shared experience.

Anyways, hope that helps.