[Nic]

Using free time created by 2 sequential no-shows to think.

Think I should call her and suggest lunch. Think we should have dinner together too. Think I'm probably getting ahead of myself when I imagine waking up to her every morning. Think she is so deep in my head that it's impossible to avoid imagining what could happen every night before waking up to her every morning. Think the tiny gasp she made when I pulled her in for that kiss is the sexiest f-ing thing I've ever heard. Think I'd like to know what other sounds she makes. Think I memorized every inch of the tattoo on the back of her neck when she leaned against me while we talked. Think I don't know how I missed that she's crazy about art in all our other conversations. Think the pain in her voice during the hard part of the conversation almost broke my heart. Think I should have pressed her to talk about her last relationship weeks ago rather than taken the "I'm respecting her silence" approach. Think I need to slow down and talk a bit less about our long term future in order to demonstrate my respect for her fear. Think the ex played games with her head and used her for money and ego tripping. Think I could have been gentler when I told her to stop blaming herself for his crappy behavior and to focus on her own choices instead. Think she's grieving the loss of herself. Think she's forgotten what normalcy feels like. Think I want to plan a special birthday for her. Think I should take her shopping for clothes that fit since everything she owns is way too big now. Think there's no way she'll let me do that. Think I want to be her Daddy and one hell of a lot more. Think she's not ready to take that step with anyone. Think she doesn't know how to see herself through the eyes of someone who loves her. Think I'm not really surprised to have used "love" to describe my feelings. Think my free time is over in 1 minute and I need coffee.