[Nat]

I think these are reasonable things to wonder and worry about. I've been to a butch funeral where the butch was put in a dress and the femme who nursed her through 3 years of cancer wasn't acknowledged at all. I think death planning matters to some more than others, but I would feel more comfortable making and maintaining a plan with those you trust.

As far as the indignities of living under hospital care - I would think being butch would totally compound them. I do wish we had better advocates in hospitals.

I like the "don't die" plan best. But I also try to let my loved ones know my most adamant wishes regarding my own death. (Example: no preachers at my funeral!) Some of us get a heads up and many of us don't - there are things I want clear no matter when things come to an end.

And **hugs** if you'll have them.