Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Friendship Circles: Gender Differences in How We Do It?

Gráinne · 10-25-2013, 09:07 PM

I forgot to answer the question as it pertained to me :P.

I'll have to admit that sometimes I am envious of the femme friendships here, to say nothing of the butch-femme romantic partnerships, and I don't know that I'll ever "get there". I know that there's a long history way before this site, and I'm relatively new. Still, it can be hard. I know I'm welcomed and hopefully well liked by most, but I'm not in the "inner circle". I don't have that sense of intimacy, yet.

Part of this is because I call myself "Bones Lite". The character on the TV show seems to exaggerate her awkwardness and lack of social skills for comedic effect, but I can be somewhat like her. Hopefully not rude or too outspoken as she is sometimes, but the kind of banter, openness, and intimacy that most women enjoy with one another (and that Angela in the show seems to want in her friendship with Bones) does not come easily for me. I'm not good at light teasing and joking, and am painfully shy with people I don't know well. I grew up in a very formal family, so the kind of verbal jousting in most conversations does not come naturally to me.
That's not to say I don't treasure the friendships I have formed here, with all genders and ID's. I'm sort of the "universal donor" of friends

.

Off site, my best friends are twins (with each other), and we've been friends for 47 years! Both live 1,000 miles from me (and from one another), and months may go by before we call, but we pick up like we spoke yesterday. Both are married and religious, and well, I'm here, but it didn't matter. When I came out to one, she said "I knew that". I don't remember either of them getting on me about finding a boyfriend or dating in high school, even though both of them were usually in a relationship. I was accepted, even if I didn't know I was gay.

I wish I knew how to "do" friendship better, and maybe I can learn, but I can't be what I'm not wired for. Thinking about this thread, I believe the social roles I was driving at earlier play some part, but personality traits and ability to be open and intimate are probably way up there, if not moreso, than gender or ID.

10-25-2013, 09:07 PM	#42
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,117 Thanked 7,388 Times in 1,457 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I forgot to answer the question as it pertained to me :P. I'll have to admit that sometimes I am envious of the femme friendships here, to say nothing of the butch-femme romantic partnerships, and I don't know that I'll ever "get there". I know that there's a long history way before this site, and I'm relatively new. Still, it can be hard. I know I'm welcomed and hopefully well liked by most, but I'm not in the "inner circle". I don't have that sense of intimacy, yet. Part of this is because I call myself "Bones Lite". The character on the TV show seems to exaggerate her awkwardness and lack of social skills for comedic effect, but I can be somewhat like her. Hopefully not rude or too outspoken as she is sometimes, but the kind of banter, openness, and intimacy that most women enjoy with one another (and that Angela in the show seems to want in her friendship with Bones) does not come easily for me. I'm not good at light teasing and joking, and am painfully shy with people I don't know well. I grew up in a very formal family, so the kind of verbal jousting in most conversations does not come naturally to me. That's not to say I don't treasure the friendships I have formed here, with all genders and ID's. I'm sort of the "universal donor" of friends . Off site, my best friends are twins (with each other), and we've been friends for 47 years! Both live 1,000 miles from me (and from one another), and months may go by before we call, but we pick up like we spoke yesterday. Both are married and religious, and well, I'm here, but it didn't matter. When I came out to one, she said "I knew that". I don't remember either of them getting on me about finding a boyfriend or dating in high school, even though both of them were usually in a relationship. I was accepted, even if I didn't know I was gay. I wish I knew how to "do" friendship better, and maybe I can learn, but I can't be what I'm not wired for. Thinking about this thread, I believe the social roles I was driving at earlier play some part, but personality traits and ability to be open and intimate are probably way up there, if not moreso, than gender or ID. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck