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Old 10-29-2013, 11:08 AM   #8
Cin
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"attracted" – to me means they caught my eye. I like their looks. However, the people who I am initially attracted to before getting to know are not usually the people who I end up falling for. It happens very rarely but if it does progress then it moves to crush.

However, if attracted is something I begin to feel slowly during the getting to know the person process it will often turn into a crush and then I begin to fall for them feeling smitten.

I certainly don’t believe in love at first sight, but for me not even attraction at first sight works out well. I don’t usually fall in love with people whose looks initially turn me on. As time passes in a relationship the attractiveness of the person either increases or decreases for me. It usually turns out that those who initially attract me don’t hold my attention as a potential partner.

But the people who I am initially attracted to usually make great friends. I always believed there is a sort of attraction that plays into friendships. Not a sexual attraction but a kind of physical even sensual attraction that has us drawn toward one person over another to form a bond. Of course after the physical attraction part (non sexual with friends of all sexes and genders), like in all relationships from our primary to our friends to our work buddies there is a lot more involved in the process. There are types of people whose company we enjoy over other types. But I believe initially there is an attraction of sorts between all sexes before the friendship seed is planted. And I don’t mean a sexual attraction.

"sweet on" – I think I use the phrase “I enjoy them” in the way the OP has used “sweet on”. They move me in some way and I really enjoy their company. It could turn into something more but usually it is the place where those who initially attracted me live before we become good friends.

"Crush" – It is the place where possibilities exist. Or where the decision IF it’s possible is made. It is also the place where a possible potential relationship might live for a little while.

If it seems as though it is something worth pursuing you spend some time feeling each other out and seeing if the crush is mutual and if both parties want to take the next step. Maybe a date or two might happen. Once sex happens then it ramps up a bit or you move on. If it ramps up I usually move to smitten. Which means I am “interested in pursuing this” – that’s the period before actually falling for someone. During this time a lot of different kinds of exploration takes place.

"Falling for" – For me is the time when I forsake all others. My attention is focused and I am getting serious about this thing we have. This is the make or break time. The border between maybe and I’m all in.

"In Love" - I put “in love” here before love because I think ‘in love” is a sort artificial feeling.

Love is love is love. The feeling is the same. The way we express our love for people is very different depending on who they are in our lives. I’m sure most people feel differently and that’s fine. But this is how I look at it. Love is an emotion. It doesn’t change as an emotion. It is a feeling. How you express your love defines the experience, not the love. You love your mother, your sister, your wife, your daughter. The emotion that is love is the same emotion. The expression and the depth differs with the individual you love. No one in their right mind expresses their love for their mother the same way they express their love for their wife. Nor do they express their love for their child the way they express their love for their partner. But love is the same emotion.

Falling in love on the other hand is specifically a sex linked erotic experience. And the experience of falling in love is temporary. Sooner or later we will fall out of love if the relationship continues long enough. I didn’t say we cease to love the person. I am saying the feeling of ecstatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling in love always passes over time. The honeymoon always ends and the bloom always fades. And a good thing too or we wouldn’t be able to get on with our lives. I am simply saying that the feeling we experience as falling in love is not the same as actual love. It is a lowering of ego boundaries to allow another person in and that is the feeling of euphoria we feel. I believe if we could accept that we wouldn’t be so disappointed and surprised when it changes over time into something with less heat ( I didn’t say no heat, just less heat) but more real emotion, more actual love.

Love – is a verb. It is an action. To love. It is an intention. Love is as love does. If one uses the word love without loving actions then it is just a word and is not love at all. If we love someone then it is an act of will and implies a choice as well as an action. Loving someone even sounds like we are doing something, engaging in action. Not the silly sex induced erotic heady feelings we call “in love” but something much deeper much more willful. If we choose to love it is an intention that requires action. We love so we act with love toward the one we love. We show love by acting in a loving way even when it takes effort (like when you’re really pissed). That is the action part, the verb part. Love as a noun is abstract and meaningless.
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