[Gemme]

Originally Posted by softness

the question I posed was about someone who was dating someone else....interesting enough, Gemme assumed they were in a relationship. And Jet addressed it as if they werent. I love it! This was exactly what I expected! Dating someone doesnt automatically mean they are in a relationship. And it doesnt give anyone sole "rights" to the other person.When I date, I simply date. Like Jet says, I dont want to feel the "ball and chains". I am up front when I date more than one person at a time. Dating is DATING..not committment. But once I reach the level of intimacy, all other dating stops and I date only that one person I am intimate with. I am ok with someone dating other people while they date me...as long as, like Gemme says, the other person is aware he is dating both of us. I would NOT date someone, no matter how attractive or appealing they are, if they were intimate with someone else. Just not ok in my book.

Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?

I think we view others through our own looking glass. I am a flirt and I own that. I flirt with everyone from butches and femmes and Transguys on this site to little old ladies and sanitation workers. It's an integral part of me that must be accepted by anyone brave enough to make the choice of learning me on a deeper level.

However, I always let folks know where they stand with me in regards to their status with me. I want that directness for myself. I MUST know where I stand with someone. If they don't tell me otherwise, I assume we are just friends and that is where we stay until someone's brave enough to rock the proverbial boat.

I'm also a monogamist. Maybe that's why I saw a more intimate connection than others did. *shrug*

I had to chuckle at this question. I've been here and the U factor (the Unknown) can drive someone batty for no reason. As long as the butch's relationship status remains 'single' or something easily acknowledged at being single, then I think s/he's 'fair game' (sorry for the objectification, but...).

However, I would be very conscious of everyone's postings from that point out. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone else, especially if someone has much stronger feelings for a butch and my interest is just that, interest. I don't like getting in the middle of those kind of webs. They tangle and can strangle all participants very easily.

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Softness asks: Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?



Or, tell him that you are interested in him...or flirt with him so that he knows that you are interested in him.

It's easy to say that. We are basically forced to trust others that we've never laid eyes on or shared air with in this medium. Not everyone is trustworthy and most of us know it, plus many are shy and hesitant from past relationships not working out. Please see the above post in regards to flirting. *grin* It comes more easily to some of us than others.

I'm going to use you for example, if you don't mind too much. Let's say I enjoy the way you write and the thoughts you've expressed here (which I do, btw). Let's say I like you in a way that could grow into something more, given the right circumstances. Looking at your status, it says busy. So, if I were interested in you, I would not bring that up. At all. Why? Because I don't know if you are busy with work or with a partner or just taking a break from intimacy right now and I'm not going to ask because then things would/might be weird between us from that point on. I would feel as if I screwed up a good online friendship for nothing, yanno? And if this situation ever came up again, I'd be even less tempted to say anything.

Originally Posted by Delish

Hi all. I am new to the site and single and wanted to stop by and say hi

Hello, our 1000th member!

Originally Posted by softness

I dont know, Liam, if I would. Because why is it my business if he is interested in her or not? Is he accountable to me? And what if he is interested in her? Does that make me a competitor if I am interested in him? Or cant he date both of us if he is interested in me too? And if he could, then what difference does it make if he is interested in her?

but then there is femme code of ethics too. Sometimes a femme doesnt like it when another femme walks into her range of interest. Some might want him all to herself. Then what? Risk the chance of being seen as a love harpy? Musing them over to her and away from other femmes?

and it is harder to work this out online than it is in real life? I vote its harder on line. In real life you can engage in so much more interface...and watch body language...and get the sideways looks that tell so much of whats going on or what going to go on...

Yes, yes, yes. Exactly.

Originally Posted by softness

well, Dapper, that would be ok as far as the guy goes, but we femmes have to consider other femmes too. Is it appropriate to flirt with someone that someone else is publicly wooing him to woo her? Even if you go to him privately, when it comes out later that you inquired, doesnt it make the femme look like she is a pirate of love? How does a femme not end up looking like a snooker hooker?

Snooker hooker? New term for me.

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Well, I guess it would depend on the situation then...I don't really tend to notice this stuff on the threads, I guess...lol

I guess all I am saying is if you like someone, and by all accounts they appear to be available, tell them. Tell them that you do not know if they are available (if you don't know if they like someone else), but that if they are available, you would like to get to know them better. If they have something going on with someone else, then they need to be upfront about it.

If you do all things with integrity, then I don't see where you can go wrong.

I love your last line but that's where the issue lies. I have a lot of distrust for this medium. It's too easy to prey on someone and/or play them and that is where things start to get sticky. And, if someone is being purposely deceitful, then oh my. Snowball. Downhill. The ratio of emotional survivors drops significantly at that point.

I also think that femmes tend to think more about the feelings of other femmes and butches tend to think more about the feelings of other butches in situations like this. It's only natural, of course.

Ah, jeez. I hope this makes sense. I have three people hollering at me for the community computer, so I have to get off of here. If I'm not clear, I'll be back later for clarification.