Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Friendship Circles: Gender Differences in How We Do It?

Ginger · 11-04-2013, 08:22 PM

I don't know if gender plays a role in the way I am as a friend.

I can make some observations, but I'm not sure what they mean, if anything.

One is that I have a couple close straight male friends now and have had many others throughout my life, but I've never had a butch friend, and always felt a kind of wall with butch women especially if they were in a couple.

I've noticed that on this website, butches seem more open to friendships with femmes, and that makes the environment feel less rigid to me.

Off line, b-f couples I've known seem to gravitate toward other couples while two of my oldest dearest friends are a straight couple and I love them both a lot.

I do have one close femme friend who has friendships independent of her partner (not that I don't get along with her partner, but the femme and I are the ones with the connection).

My long-term friendships, except for the one femme friend I mentioned, are with straight people that I have things in common with. We met either in grad school or in the literacy or poetry communities in NYC.

Some of these are people I've had countless seders and Thanksgivings with, and when something bad or amazing happens in my life, I tell them right away.

Others are people I've seen at readings for 20 years, and we have a mutual respect and casual appreciation of each other, but we don't share anything personal.

Right now I'm getting close by talking on the phone with one of my ex's close friends. R broke up with me a couple weeks ago, as she lay in the hospital recovering from two strokes and heart failure, and was (is) waiting for a transplant.

Her close friend M was also banned from visiting her, for different reasons that are equally puzzling.

M, the ex, and I have been a huge solace for each other. We've talked and cried on the phone for hours and hours, and I am not generally a phone person. I feel very close to her, and we've shared our grief and sense of loss and bewilderment and anger and deep unrelenting worry about R with each other. I hope it's a friendship that continues beyond this crisis we've found ourselves in together. I've never had a friendship start that way. And it has nothing to do with gender.

11-04-2013, 08:22 PM	#72
Ginger Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme lesbian Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: East coast Posts: 2,416 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,829 Thanked 12,295 Times in 2,057 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I don't know if gender plays a role in the way I am as a friend. I can make some observations, but I'm not sure what they mean, if anything. One is that I have a couple close straight male friends now and have had many others throughout my life, but I've never had a butch friend, and always felt a kind of wall with butch women especially if they were in a couple. I've noticed that on this website, butches seem more open to friendships with femmes, and that makes the environment feel less rigid to me. Off line, b-f couples I've known seem to gravitate toward other couples while two of my oldest dearest friends are a straight couple and I love them both a lot. I do have one close femme friend who has friendships independent of her partner (not that I don't get along with her partner, but the femme and I are the ones with the connection). My long-term friendships, except for the one femme friend I mentioned, are with straight people that I have things in common with. We met either in grad school or in the literacy or poetry communities in NYC. Some of these are people I've had countless seders and Thanksgivings with, and when something bad or amazing happens in my life, I tell them right away. Others are people I've seen at readings for 20 years, and we have a mutual respect and casual appreciation of each other, but we don't share anything personal. Right now I'm getting close by talking on the phone with one of my ex's close friends. R broke up with me a couple weeks ago, as she lay in the hospital recovering from two strokes and heart failure, and was (is) waiting for a transplant. Her close friend M was also banned from visiting her, for different reasons that are equally puzzling. M, the ex, and I have been a huge solace for each other. We've talked and cried on the phone for hours and hours, and I am not generally a phone person. I feel very close to her, and we've shared our grief and sense of loss and bewilderment and anger and deep unrelenting worry about R with each other. I hope it's a friendship that continues beyond this crisis we've found ourselves in together. I've never had a friendship start that way. And it has nothing to do with gender. __________________ Reach out.