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BullDog · 11-07-2013, 09:55 AM

I am a butch woman. If I were to get married I certainly would not expect or demand that my femme partner change her last name to mine. If she wanted to, however, I would consider it a great honor. I would not think of it as being heteronormative. If I get married, it is two women getting married and we forge our own path. I do not equate butch with male or male norms at all for myself, and my partner changing her last name to mine certainly would not change that. It would be her choice.

What if she wanted me to change mine to hers? I would consider it, and my decision wouldn't be based on me being butch and her being femme. To be honest, I have never considered changing my last name, so I think it would be unlikely unless there was a big significance of it for her. The fact that I have never considered changing my last name, I really don't think it has anything at all to do with me being butch. My last name is kind of common, but it is also one I like, even though it is from my father (who I don't really have a relationship with). I think the most likely scenario is for us to both keep the same name we had when we met.

I understand that in heterosexual marriages when there is a name change, that to this day it is almost always the woman who changes her name. There seem to be more femmes who change to the butch last name when there is a change in marriage. (I guess that is true, although I don't know how much evidence we have of that really. Of the couples that I have known who got married, most of them kept their own last name.) However, as a butch woman it is also very frustrating for me to be lumped in with male standards or being viewed as "male-like." I fight very hard to be seen as a woman and as a legitmiate butch at the same time in butch femme community, especially online. I also get that butches do tend to be over valued, which does seem to be tied to masculinity, and that is also wrong.

11-07-2013, 09:55 AM	#2
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,656 Times in 4,464 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I am a butch woman. If I were to get married I certainly would not expect or demand that my femme partner change her last name to mine. If she wanted to, however, I would consider it a great honor. I would not think of it as being heteronormative. If I get married, it is two women getting married and we forge our own path. I do not equate butch with male or male norms at all for myself, and my partner changing her last name to mine certainly would not change that. It would be her choice. What if she wanted me to change mine to hers? I would consider it, and my decision wouldn't be based on me being butch and her being femme. To be honest, I have never considered changing my last name, so I think it would be unlikely unless there was a big significance of it for her. The fact that I have never considered changing my last name, I really don't think it has anything at all to do with me being butch. My last name is kind of common, but it is also one I like, even though it is from my father (who I don't really have a relationship with). I think the most likely scenario is for us to both keep the same name we had when we met. I understand that in heterosexual marriages when there is a name change, that to this day it is almost always the woman who changes her name. There seem to be more femmes who change to the butch last name when there is a change in marriage. (I guess that is true, although I don't know how much evidence we have of that really. Of the couples that I have known who got married, most of them kept their own last name.) However, as a butch woman it is also very frustrating for me to be lumped in with male standards or being viewed as "male-like." I fight very hard to be seen as a woman and as a legitmiate butch at the same time in butch femme community, especially online. I also get that butches do tend to be over valued, which does seem to be tied to masculinity, and that is also wrong.