[Ginger]

I don't think anyone is disputing the observation that if someone is going to give their name, it is more likely to be a butch, and if someone is going to take a name, it is more likely to be a femme.

instead of continuing to speculate about what motivates people to be that way, I'll speak for myself:



I don't want to name another human being, unless it is my child.

And I would never presume to name an adult, even if I were in a relationship with that person.

To put it another way, I would never want to bestow my name on another adult, or "give her my name," as the expression goes.

I would not feel honored if she wanted to replace her name with mine; I would feel worried about what I would see as her need to assume part of my identity.

Also, I would have too much respect for my partner's right to name herself, to change her name to mine. I would have too much respect for her name, to support its erasure.

And if she really wanted that, I would be uncomfortable.

As I see it, my name reflects me. Her name reflects her. I don't want HER name to reflect ME, or MY name to reflect HER. Some would say, But then it would reflect US. I say, no that doesn't ring true for me. That equation doesn't equal "us" to me.

I would not feel less loved, because she doesn't want to be named after me.

Likewise, I don't want to name myself after another person.

I want to carry the name that reflects my history, my family, my hard work that has been attached to that name.

If a partner wanted to name me after herself, or rather, wanted me to name myself after her, I would feel reinvented in a way I don't want.

I would feel like she wanted me to be an addition to her history, not a continuation of my own. I would feel that she didn't love and respect my name.

That's why I wouldn't be in a couple in which one person's last name represented us both.