[Nic]

Don't just say your words and consider the message sent. Circumstances and temperament don't always allow people to absorb what you're saying when you're saying it. Speak your peace slowly and with as much attention to tone as you can muster. If warning bells go off as you're saying something, slow down, back up, stop, say "Let me try to get back on track before I go further." Whatever you have to do to get the right words out in the best way, do it. Don't set someone up in order to tear them down. Don't share opinions and epiphanies hoping for an ego boost in return. Spend energy on the content of the message rather than the gift wrap or how good you look to yourself while you deliver it.

Listen to what you're saying. What you would think if someone approached you with the same message or delivered it in the same tone? When people share hard things, especially if you don't like what they have to say, ask yourself what kind of effort it cost them to share the truth specifically with you? What's it like to face your expression and attitude? What's it like to approach you with bad news or a hard decision? The ability or intention to put yourself in another person's place isn't the same as actually doing it.

What makes anyone worth an investment of vulnerability and trust? Anybody can talk about who they are. Most do so enthusiastically. How many put equal effort into how they go about being who they say they are or how the practice of being themselves impacts others? Everyone has the right an opinion and to be themselves in a genuine way. Doesn't mean we're rewarding anyone by the expression. Best we can hope for is that being true to ourselves encourages someone else to do likewise. Everything else is a crap shoot.