[gotoseagrl]

Originally Posted by always2late

This resonates with me so deeply that it is a bit of a shock. Although I finally recognized the abusive aspects of my past relationship, seeing it in print is still startling. As I posted, the emotional component of abuse can often be overlooked or more readily forgiven. This was true in my case. When I finally got up the courage to break it off, I still didn't recognize the constant harassment, threats of self-harm, hacking into my email accounts, etc...as abuse. Call me naive. What I mostly felt was sadness, and no small measure of guilt (that guilt that abusers count on...the one that takes the form of "Oh no, look what I did to make them behave this way"). It took one action for me to finally see what was happening, and that was when my custody of my son was threatened (i.e. I'm going to go to your ex-husband and tell him A, B, and C about you so you lose your son). THAT was my wakeup call...and when I realized that I had nothing to reproach myself for in leaving the relationship. That was when I realized that the relationship was not, and had never been about, love.

Seems like it's when you literally come to the end of your rope ... when there are no more fantasies to cling to, when you've tried the last thing you can try, had given every possibility a chance. When you've seen nothing humanly possible works, even with time. When you've already been running on empty, have no idea how you made it so far, and still being drained for your last drop. When there's no other direction for you to go but out ... because you've finally realized that threat to your livelihood & survival. That's rock bottom. You might have a lot of recovering to do, but what a relief when you come up over that hill.

And thank you all for the wonderful comments, and for this important thread.