[The JD]

Has anyone checked out the captioning options at movies lately? Because of my hearing, I rarely go to movies, but that may well change (the movie attendance, not my hearing). Regal theaters have a deal with Sony, who has developed these nifty little "access glasses" that show the captions ON the glasses lens. They appear on the lower part of the lens, where you'd look if you have bifocal lens…which works out well, because I do. And since the glasses fit over prescription glasses, I can actually read it.

Attempts at making movies accessible for the deaf and hearing-impaired have not exactly been satisfying: Eight years ago or so, theaters started offering headphones that amplified sound. All of the sound. It left me feeling only slightly less frustrated, and did nothing to improve my movie attendance.

Later, I tried open captioned movies, where the captions are on the film and visible to all. But hearing movie-goers don't like seeing the captions, so this option wasn't available for every showing. And really, it wasn't such a great option. I found myself struggling to read the white text when the background was white, because the captioners hadn't bothered to make sure the text was always readable. For all I know, there could be brilliant dialogue in Julie and Julia that I just wasn't able to read. Then again, perhaps not.

And then there's Rear Window. What a joke. After picking up this plexiglass contraption in the lobby, lugging it into the theatre and placing the base into the cup-holder (because apparently deaf people do not get thirsty and don't need their cup-holder for any other purpose), the real fun begins. The name of the game is "See If You Can Catch the Reflection of the Captions on Your Teleprompter and Still See the Movie", and it's a surprisingly difficult game. The teleprompter-like plexiglass is on an adjustable metal stem that creaks and groans every time you adjust it…which is often. And the sound goes straight in to the base, and the drink-holder, and reverberates in my chair, and the chairs of those next to me. I don't have to hear to know this thing is loud and annoying.

Plus, the captions are pretty small, and red, and usually in the right-hand side; to read them, I'd often miss what was happening on the left side of the screen. I've tried to readjust my screen during the movie, but was met with the stares of hearing theatre patrons who thought I was adjusting my teleprompter so I could give my acceptance speech for World's Most Annoying Movie-Goer.

But now--thank the heavens-- there are Sony Access glasses. The text appears in Hulk Green- a safe bet that I'll see it against any background…even against the Hulk himself, since the captions are lighted. Yet they don't distract. And best of all, they appear in whatever direction I look. When conversation is bouncing back and forth among people on the screen, I'm no longer scurrying to read the captions off to the side, and try to place who is saying them. I can more naturally follow the action on the screen. I saw The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, where the action does a lot of bouncing back and forth, and the captions were right there where I needed them.

I did notice that I tend to tilt my head a lot, as the captions often appeared at a 30 degree angle to the screen. But that was easily remedied, and hardly Sony's fault.

It turns out these caption glasses are also available in 3D, to spare me the ridiculousness of having to wear 3 pairs of glasses. I'm thinking of going to see the new Hobbit movie in 3D this weekend just to try them out. I'm actually excited about going to see movies in the theaters again. This is big news.