[Gráinne]

At this stage of my life (and I believe HB is somewhere within the same decade), both of us have been through the "fireworks" more times than I care to admit. The problem with such intense attraction is, that while fun, it can lead to premature commitments and zoom! a half-baked relationship.

I wonder if it's a stage of life thing. At this point, I'm loathe to marry again or give up my physical and emotional independence. I can see the seeds of a life I love, and don't want to get sidetracked, no matter how tempting sometimes. The biggest relationship mistakes I've made are when forging independence and identity grew too tough and I used a "relationship" as distraction from my own work. It took more than once to teach me that lesson, and perhaps I'm too cautious to even give dating a try. This is very new.

Awhile ago, I wrote in a thread that one-night stands or sex without strings was usually not a good idea. I stand by my reasons in that thread, But! with friends you already know and trust, and when you (general "you") are confident that both of you are on the same page-like HB's post page-go for it. It's supposed to be fun, if done safely. I think we connect physical eroticism with romance and love, and they're three different things and can be met with different people in different ways.

Sometimes it feels like a kind of heresy to admit that deep down, we might simply want headboard-knocking sex without the romantic stuff, commiting to, or living with someone. I have made the mistake of going for what I thought I was supposed to want (and this was after I came out), rather than what I knew deep down I wanted.

Maybe it's also dividing people into "friends", whom you would never sleep with, and "partners". Sure, there are some friends you would never go there with, but other than that, I think the lines are blurry.

All of this to say I enjoy that form of singleness (if the sex existed), and don't see coupling off in my near future.