[imperfect_cupcake]

Nor does it mean you are on beck and call all the time.

Many people don't understand boundaries unless stated very clearly. I know some people are conflict avoidant and thus hate stating them bluntly and obviously. One of my best mates and my flat mate is like this. She an introvert, quiet, submissive and very avoidant. She does what she's told in order to please but gets very pissed off when someone doesn't meet her needs. She often talks to me about how upset she gets with her gf who is very dominant and says things and does things that upsets her but she thinks the whole world will turn upside down if she says anything or says "no" - her no usually looks like her being slightly uncomfortable and then trying to smile and saying well... Just let me check on that. And hoping you'll forget to ask her. She hints at no, rather than saying it outright.

Then gets upset her gf pushes. Or doesn't notice that she needs to talk because she's hinting at it.

I've told her over and over she needs to point blank say it. But she can't. It terrifying for her. And since her gf doesn't know her like I do (25 years) and her gf is a plain speaker, dominant and blunt, she thinks Emily means what she is saying.

I'm not saying this is you. I'm talking about this because three of my closest friends are all submissive introverts that often lose themselves in relationships because of this and have avoided relationships for years because of that fear. Em finally got into one but has fallen right back into it. It makes me sad to see them do this. My one friend has three Doms but refuses to be in a relationship with any of them. Sex only. They call when they want her, which is about every six weeks. She actually comes and talks to me first if she needs to say no because she gets highly anxious about it and freaked out. Sometimes I have the urge to just grab the phone out of her hand and type "no thanks, I'm busy tonight." If I put a softener at the end of that like "too bad though cause it sounds hot" to try and not 'hurt their feelings' they will see that as an opportunity to say "well if it is, then say yes anyway."
I keep telling her it's still polite to just say no without having to explain yourself. She doesn't like not trying to give reassurance when she says no. But it often gets her harassed for it. I now don't give reassurances unless someone asks me for them. That was another lesson. And I now find them actually kind of irritating if someone attempts to reassure me when I haven't asked/don't need because it feels like I'm being "softened" or "pandered".

Believe it or not I was really similar in a relationship. Until I did escorting dom work. Then I was exposed to extremely needy submissive men with a lot of privilege. And it cleared up my boundary problem in a tick lol. Sex work did wonders for my boundaries issues, more than 9 years of therapy did, anyway lol.