I had an older dog -- well more like a dog who was afraid to be left alone. He was kenneled and he would flip out. I had to cancel a lot of plans because of him. I just couldn't have him suffer and be in pain. I either had friends over, or just stayed home. Sometimes we just need to do those kinds of things with our elder pets.
Nothing is wrong with saying NO to your friend and sharing your thoughts on why. I think as much as she loves her elder pet, she should understand. I mean if she's mentioned piddle pads, then she does understand about the carpet.
Maybe instead of visiting at your place, she could stay in a hotel where dogs were welcomed. Or you both could just see each other for lunch at a pet friendly pet-io.
Things will work out the way they need--
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