[Kobi]

The dance of deception : pretending and truth-telling in women's lives / Harriet Goldhor Lerner

Book List Review


While lying is socially taboo, pretending things are other than they are is not only sometimes acceptable but often encouraged and rewarded. Patriarchal culture teaches women to pretend and sometimes deceive, Lerner says, and in her study of the role this dissembling plays in women's lives, she shows how "pretending reflects deep prohibitions, real and imagined, against a more direct and forthright assertion of self." Lerner uses anecdotal examples to illustrate how and why women show the false and hide the real. Her examples and accompanying discussions cover self-deception, protection of others from painful truths, privacy, and family secrets, and each section clearly points out how deception is incorporated into women's lives and how they can learn to purge it from their behavior. She acknowledges that truth telling is not easy, yet her discussion of the many ways women lie and how lying affects them clearly shows the benefits of honesty and makes her prescription appealing. ~--Lindsay Throm