Sorry for a long one, but these are brilliat
HOW MANY MALE NOVELISTS
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: The terrible sex had made him feel deeply interesting, like a murder victim.
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: The beast, which had represented his feelings, was dead. “I think I’ll do a pushup,” he announced to the sea. The sea respected him for it.
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: [4000 words from the narrator about his feelings on his childhood circumcision]
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: War is hell.
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: He straightened his tie. He had lost, but in a romantic way, which meant that he had won. “I’m going to do a pushup,” he announced to his tie. His tie respected him for it, and secretly wished that it could have sex with him.
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: You wouldn’t understand.
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: He swore curses at his coworkers. He was making a lot of money. Fuck.
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: This neighborhood in New York City was very different from the other neighborhood in New York City he’d just been in.
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: He lit a cigarette. His glass of whiskey lit a cigarette too. “I can only truly love my best friend,” he said, “but not in a gay way. Women wouldn’t understand it. They’re too gay.” Both of the cigarettes agreed.
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: [4000 words about an isolated encounter with a service worker that borders on racist and goes nowhere]
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: “The cocaine isn’t the point. The cocaine is a metaphor,” he explained wearily over the pile of cocaine. She folded her arms. She didn’t understand his cocaine. “Didn’t you read my manifesto?” The prostitute had read his manifesto. Why couldn’t she?
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: This lightbulb is inauthentic.
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: ”It’s only the institution I have a problem with,” he explained to the empty bar.
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: The time had come for him to go to war, and also find himself, and also reject the rules of your society.
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: His alcoholism was different, because someday he was going to die.
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: [Nothing happens for 450 pages; receives fourteen awards]
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: "You have so much to learn," he told her. She was only 19, but she was the best student in his undergraduate short story class who was also female and classically beautiful. "I will teach you, and also have sex with you. You can walk around wearing only my tweed jacket after, but only for 20 minutes. You're not ready to wear it for longer."
"Is that the jacket with the elbow patches?" she murmured, her full lips plump as an overripe cherry, already tainted with corruption at the pit.
"No," he said harshly, "it has double elbow patches." He turned to face the window. "I knew you wouldn't understand."
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I’m here, I’m queer, sorry I’m late I overslept
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