[candy_coated_bitch]

I think gender presentation absolutely has to do with what is perceived as "rude" or "bossy". I think in many cases assertive women are viewed in a more negative light. As in, stereotypically femininity is seen as more "weak" or quiet or mild or whatever. And I'm just talking stereotypes here. I don't believe them to be true, but I do think gender presentation affects where they are perceived to cross the line into inappropriate behavior. I also find that an interesting aspect of the conversation.

Also, I am in complete agreement that culture plays a role in what is considered rude, and what good manners are. I'm from Massachusetts and have also lived for a period of time in NYC. Both Massachusetts and NYC have their own standards of behavior and "manners". When I lived in the south it drove me fucking nuts how "polite" people were. It felt false to me. I am used to being very direct and assertive. In a way that I don't consider rude. But I prefer for people to just come out and say things and the underlying expectation in the south seemed to be--just smile and be nice even if you don't mean it. It completely baffled me. I actually missed being in places where people were "rude".

I don't really know how else to explain it, but I do think gender differences and cultural differences are relevant to the conversation.