[*Anya*]

The dermatologist called me last night and it is squamous cell cancer.

Friday, she will excise it down to healthy tissue and then suture it.

I am not worried that it is cancer.

It is because I have had so many painful surgeries and procedures, I am freaking out much more about the pain. I think I am almost phobic about pain now.

The biopsy was very painful. It was the two syringes full of Lidocaine into the growth, before it finally got numb, that almost made me scream. It has hurt totally out of proportion to the size ever since-kind of like a continuous drill into my thigh.

I haven't taken pain meds for quite a while but think I need to before I even go.

I did not even write this last week because I feel so badly about it but it is weighing on me. My GF came with me last week. Because it was a new MD, I wanted to have it known from the beginning that she was more than my friend.

When the doctor and LVN came in, I said: "This is my significant other_______" and I said the name of my long-term ex that I haven't been with for probably 14 years now.

I promptly burst into tears, saying: "I don't know why I said that".

My sweet girlfriend said, "It's ok hon" and turning to the doctor, apologized for me and said: "She's just really nervous".

I still feel badly about it but love her even more for how she handled it.