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EnchantedNightDweller · 08-02-2014, 11:22 PM

The insanity that precedes the first drink - I thought that had been removed from me but I was dead wrong. In a moment of intense emotional pain, it was back - calling me to numb my feelings. I was just sitting in a bowling alley - one with three bars. Everyone around me seemed to be drinking without any problem. I watched the lady across the room take a drink of her Pina Colada. "I think I need a drink," I said out loud to no one in particular. "The Watermelon Margaritas are excellent," said my friend who did not know I was in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. My friend was proud of me because I had finally furthered my career and would be making more money. She had no idea of the obstacles I had to overcome to get where I was today. She didn't know about the loss of career, the DWIs, the disappointment I had caused my family and friends over and over again. "We should go let off some steam and drink a few one night," she said. "Yeah," I replied, knowing in my heart that I had never "drank a few." I was panicked. I really wanted a drink right now. Less than two days away from my 5 year sobriety date - the most time I had ever put together - and I wanted a drink. "I'm going to get us cokes," I said. I really was thirsty but I'm just going to have a coke. As I approached the bar and saw the bottles lined up behind the counter, the thought crossed my mind that I could do a shot real quick and no one would ever know. My parents who were so proud of me for staying sober and finally advancing my career would never have to know. My young daughter who was counting on me to be there for her would never have to know. The people at meeting would never have to know on Birthday Night. But I knew I would know. And I knew that it wouldn't stop with just one drink. How would I get home? Would I drive my daughter home drunk? What if I got that third DWI and went to prison? What about my new job? "Two cokes and a refill on the Dr. Pepper," I said. I went back to the table. "I have to tell you something," I said to my friend. "I can't drink. I will have 5 years sober in Alcoholics Anonymous on Monday."

08-02-2014, 11:22 PM	#6
EnchantedNightDweller Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: her, she Relationship Status: Being single is a good thing and I like it. Join Date: Jun 2014 Location: Texas Posts: 1,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,907 Thanked 2,462 Times in 803 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	The insanity that precedes the first drink - I thought that had been removed from me but I was dead wrong. In a moment of intense emotional pain, it was back - calling me to numb my feelings. I was just sitting in a bowling alley - one with three bars. Everyone around me seemed to be drinking without any problem. I watched the lady across the room take a drink of her Pina Colada. "I think I need a drink," I said out loud to no one in particular. "The Watermelon Margaritas are excellent," said my friend who did not know I was in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. My friend was proud of me because I had finally furthered my career and would be making more money. She had no idea of the obstacles I had to overcome to get where I was today. She didn't know about the loss of career, the DWIs, the disappointment I had caused my family and friends over and over again. "We should go let off some steam and drink a few one night," she said. "Yeah," I replied, knowing in my heart that I had never "drank a few." I was panicked. I really wanted a drink right now. Less than two days away from my 5 year sobriety date - the most time I had ever put together - and I wanted a drink. "I'm going to get us cokes," I said. I really was thirsty but I'm just going to have a coke. As I approached the bar and saw the bottles lined up behind the counter, the thought crossed my mind that I could do a shot real quick and no one would ever know. My parents who were so proud of me for staying sober and finally advancing my career would never have to know. My young daughter who was counting on me to be there for her would never have to know. The people at meeting would never have to know on Birthday Night. But I knew I would know. And I knew that it wouldn't stop with just one drink. How would I get home? Would I drive my daughter home drunk? What if I got that third DWI and went to prison? What about my new job? "Two cokes and a refill on the Dr. Pepper," I said. I went back to the table. "I have to tell you something," I said to my friend. "I can't drink. I will have 5 years sober in Alcoholics Anonymous on Monday."