[amiyesiam]

what is on my mind. Our manager has retired and is gone. She wasn't a very nice person. By her own admission, not even she wants to work with her. I should be over the top happy. mostly though I feel shell shocked,want to curl up in a ball and want to cry. Coworkers say she is evil and a lot of other things. Really though she is a testimony to what can happen to a human when they have horrible childhoods and don't seek treatment. Most of my coworkers make it about right VS wrong, good Vs bad. for people like me it is much harder. How do you hate someone who is so broken, so alone? Conversly how do you excuse a 67 year old adult, who choses to say this is how I am I cant change. How can I feel anything but pity for someone who must absolutely control everyone and everything around them. I realized one day, She can not let go of control or her world (mentally) will collapse. How do I care at all about someone who can and will lie, manipulate and cover her own ass at everyone else's expense. Some say she is a sociopath. I don't think so. she cut me deep(mentally) 2 times and I returned the favor, both times I hurt her badly, so soft on the inside and hard on the outside. Does she live her entire life in defense mode?
I wonder if people like her, realize how much damage they cause to the people around them. Some weeks it is all I can do to get through the week. It is going to take time to return to normal, to breath again, to not constantly mentally justify every action I do at work.
It is over, Our new manager has been named and will be starting in the next week or so. He is young and well respected and liked. I want to cry. J is getting a dream team. We know this, our managers supervisor says we walk on water, and honestly we do. We are older and work well together. We have one of the lowest if not the lowest error rates in the agency. We have earned our new manager.
first though, we have to heal. And breathe, must remember to breathe.