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Femmadian · 08-27-2014, 07:03 AM

"How many children do you have?"
"When are you going to have children?"
"Why don't you want children?"
"Don't you think you'll regret it later?"
"Don't you think you're being a bit selfish?"

As I get older, the questions get more intense and accusatory. They come from family, co-workers, acquaintances, prospective (but quickly eliminated) romantic interests, and once-upon-a-time friends. I tend to employ a three-strikes-you're-out rule with people who do this. If you still can't get it (or refuse to accept it) after three separate instances of having it explained to you, then you are the weakest link. Goodbye!

A person's reasons for wanting or not wanting, having or not having children are incredibly personal and intimate and not up for debate... and they're not a comment on someone else's decision to do the opposite of what they've chosen (or had chosen for them) for themselves (see: some omnivores' hostility to vegetarians/vegans).

I have no problem with people who have children. Some of my best friends have children (no, really

)! I just don't want that life for myself. Men don't seem to get this same shaming and pressure when it comes to this choice and so it raises feminist alarm bells for me when someone refuses to respect it.

Interestingly, the most relentless badgering I get (other than from conservative men) tends to be from older women whose children are more or less grown up and/or self-sufficient, middle class women with careers who are able to take time off when their children are young, or women who haven't had children yet but want them. You know who never badgers me about my choice? Young working class women who are in the thick of it all... I see them struggling to find affordable childcare, be present for their children while making sound financial choices, balance the needs and responsibilities of a partner (if they have one), trying to claw their way up in often precarious, low-wage work, all while trying to maintain their sanity and some semblance of self. They don't seem to be under the illusion at that very moment that parenting is an easy gig or something that should be done for the hell of it. In fact, they are often the biggest supporters of, essentially, what is this woman's right to choose. Funny, that.

And you know what? If I ever do get the urge to hear the pitter patter of little feet, there's always:

08-27-2014, 07:03 AM	#2
Femmadian Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: Isla Nublar Posts: 385 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,296 Thanked 2,400 Times in 362 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	"How many children do you have?" "When are you going to have children?" "Why don't you want children?" "Don't you think you'll regret it later?" "Don't you think you're being a bit selfish?" As I get older, the questions get more intense and accusatory. They come from family, co-workers, acquaintances, prospective (but quickly eliminated) romantic interests, and once-upon-a-time friends. I tend to employ a three-strikes-you're-out rule with people who do this. If you still can't get it (or refuse to accept it) after three separate instances of having it explained to you, then you are the weakest link. Goodbye! A person's reasons for wanting or not wanting, having or not having children are incredibly personal and intimate and not up for debate... and they're not a comment on someone else's decision to do the opposite of what they've chosen (or had chosen for them) for themselves (see: some omnivores' hostility to vegetarians/vegans). I have no problem with people who have children. Some of my best friends have children (no, really )! I just don't want that life for myself. Men don't seem to get this same shaming and pressure when it comes to this choice and so it raises feminist alarm bells for me when someone refuses to respect it. Interestingly, the most relentless badgering I get (other than from conservative men) tends to be from older women whose children are more or less grown up and/or self-sufficient, middle class women with careers who are able to take time off when their children are young, or women who haven't had children yet but want them. You know who never badgers me about my choice? Young working class women who are in the thick of it all... I see them struggling to find affordable childcare, be present for their children while making sound financial choices, balance the needs and responsibilities of a partner (if they have one), trying to claw their way up in often precarious, low-wage work, all while trying to maintain their sanity and some semblance of self. They don't seem to be under the illusion at that very moment that parenting is an easy gig or something that should be done for the hell of it. In fact, they are often the biggest supporters of, essentially, what is this woman's right to choose. Funny, that. And you know what? If I ever do get the urge to hear the pitter patter of little feet, there's always: __________________