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uglyboi · 09-28-2014, 01:35 PM

An undelivered letter I wrote to a would be intruder 30 years ago:

Dear Crazy Man Looking for Erica One night,

First, I'd like to apologize. When you were screaming "Erica" at the top of your lungs outside my bedroom window at midnight, I did not know that it was, infact, my apartment you believe Erica was in. I probably should have shouted back "Erica doesn't live here, dummy. Perhaps you should try a different building." However, I believe you crossed a line when you tried to break into my apartment. Twice. I know you never actually made it in, but there was a hammer (my weapon of choice) waiting for you on the other side of the door. On your first attempt, I appreciate you listening to me when I said no one named Erica lives here. That appreciation quickly fizzled when you returned 15 min later, prompting me to call the cops. Finally, while you were walking around the complex shouting "Erica" and someone hollered at you to shut up and go home, you shouting back "Reveal yourself homie" like he was hiding in the bushes or wearing an invisibility cloak, provided me with some much needed entertainment.

Sincerely, Not Erica.

09-28-2014, 01:35 PM	#171
uglyboi Member How Do You Identify?: As the 'The Bourne Identity' Preferred Pronoun?: Cheerful pessimist Relationship Status: Married Join Date: May 2011 Location: In a house we bought Posts: 411 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 294 Thanked 1,208 Times in 327 Posts Rep Power: 18936851	Erica Are You There? An undelivered letter I wrote to a would be intruder 30 years ago: Dear Crazy Man Looking for Erica One night, First, I'd like to apologize. When you were screaming "Erica" at the top of your lungs outside my bedroom window at midnight, I did not know that it was, infact, my apartment you believe Erica was in. I probably should have shouted back "Erica doesn't live here, dummy. Perhaps you should try a different building." However, I believe you crossed a line when you tried to break into my apartment. Twice. I know you never actually made it in, but there was a hammer (my weapon of choice) waiting for you on the other side of the door. On your first attempt, I appreciate you listening to me when I said no one named Erica lives here. That appreciation quickly fizzled when you returned 15 min later, prompting me to call the cops. Finally, while you were walking around the complex shouting "Erica" and someone hollered at you to shut up and go home, you shouting back "Reveal yourself homie" like he was hiding in the bushes or wearing an invisibility cloak, provided me with some much needed entertainment. Sincerely, Not Erica.