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imperfect_cupcake · 10-04-2014, 04:26 PM

LOL words are so different for people. Smitten to me means obsessive thinking. If I'm smitten with a cat or a person or a job or a hobby... It means, to me, that I am constantly thinking about it and deeply fed by my I terest in it.

I use the word "love" for a partner as a sexual love. For me its the highest kind of commitment.
I know in love comes and goes and I just don't trust people who drop others when that limerance "feeling of being in love" phase first passes. Probably why until we get past the four year mark, I'm likely not going to trust someone is going to stick around. And I won't trust someone will stay until the relationship has gone through a.couple crisies and we were able to negotiate through them and work as a team.
For me, love is managing through long term - commitment to work together. In love is for lovers. And lovers only last a few years. Sometimes I don't feel in love. Nor do I like my partners. That doesn't mean I give up. I know that passes and the in love feelings come back. Stress, death, poverty, depression, conflict, new situations... They all mask feelings. I've had friends for 30 years. I know that kind of love is incredibly deep and acceptance for each other is absolute. Patience and tolerance and adoration. I've had fights with mates that last months. Space, time, talking and accepting they are in my life forever allows us to move through those times.
When one friend Y was livid with me, I accepted it. I let her work through it. There wasn't anything I could do at that point. She eventually came round. We've been friend since we were 14.
I think the concept of friends and partners as *family* and therefore nonnegotiable in acceptance of who they are and working through our relationships is key.
But when people expect that its going to be soul mates and connected and flowers and no crisis ever in being together for 25 years... I have to ???????
I *will* work through am infidelity with someone. I will work through a health issue. Death. School. Depression. Etc.
I know many people won't. But I have a very different concept of commitment and very different expectations around that word.
And unfortunately, I have partnered with too many people that don't believe in forever. Or they do, as long as forever (alive!) Means until it gets really, really hard. I've worked through fuck off hard things with exes and friends. But I have yet to find someone who will do that as a spouse or partner.
I don't want someone just when everything feels good. That's why my independance is so important. Suffocating each other in expectations and demands... I don't think that works so much anymore.

If I want forever with someone, I want them to know I love the enough to give them the independance they and I need too.

I dunno. Maybe I just feel a bit old these days.

10-04-2014, 04:26 PM	#23
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	LOL words are so different for people. Smitten to me means obsessive thinking. If I'm smitten with a cat or a person or a job or a hobby... It means, to me, that I am constantly thinking about it and deeply fed by my I terest in it. I use the word "love" for a partner as a sexual love. For me its the highest kind of commitment. I know in love comes and goes and I just don't trust people who drop others when that limerance "feeling of being in love" phase first passes. Probably why until we get past the four year mark, I'm likely not going to trust someone is going to stick around. And I won't trust someone will stay until the relationship has gone through a.couple crisies and we were able to negotiate through them and work as a team. For me, love is managing through long term - commitment to work together. In love is for lovers. And lovers only last a few years. Sometimes I don't feel in love. Nor do I like my partners. That doesn't mean I give up. I know that passes and the in love feelings come back. Stress, death, poverty, depression, conflict, new situations... They all mask feelings. I've had friends for 30 years. I know that kind of love is incredibly deep and acceptance for each other is absolute. Patience and tolerance and adoration. I've had fights with mates that last months. Space, time, talking and accepting they are in my life forever allows us to move through those times. When one friend Y was livid with me, I accepted it. I let her work through it. There wasn't anything I could do at that point. She eventually came round. We've been friend since we were 14. I think the concept of friends and partners as family and therefore nonnegotiable in acceptance of who they are and working through our relationships is key. But when people expect that its going to be soul mates and connected and flowers and no crisis ever in being together for 25 years... I have to ??????? I will work through am infidelity with someone. I will work through a health issue. Death. School. Depression. Etc. I know many people won't. But I have a very different concept of commitment and very different expectations around that word. And unfortunately, I have partnered with too many people that don't believe in forever. Or they do, as long as forever (alive!) Means until it gets really, really hard. I've worked through fuck off hard things with exes and friends. But I have yet to find someone who will do that as a spouse or partner. I don't want someone just when everything feels good. That's why my independance is so important. Suffocating each other in expectations and demands... I don't think that works so much anymore. If I want forever with someone, I want them to know I love the enough to give them the independance they and I need too. I dunno. Maybe I just feel a bit old these days.