A question you have asked me more than once – why do you love me? I have heard you ask me that when you were sad – upset – quizzical – unsure –happy – in quiet moments of reflection or completely out of the blue while we were talking about something else. I also answer the question – I never say “you know why”…I have heard other men say that… that’s a cop out…if a man can’t tell a woman “why” he loves her…she needs to find one that will…. and “you know why” is not an answer…just my opinion.
The question was posed again and so I take the time to not just tell you but to “put” it down for you – so you can read it again and again – until it soaks into the fabric of your skin – and melts into your heart and soul and goes so deep – that no matter where you are – what mood you are in – no matter the space or place – you will “know” why, but you can always ask me – because I will always tell.
As is the case when I try to write on paper letting the virtual ink spill on the paper – I am always not stuck in trying to figure out what to write – because I can always write of my love for you – but, the struggle is always how to even to begin to adequately express the depth…. it (this love of mine for you) truly is deeper than any ocean or higher than any mountain – of that I am sure and I search the right words and say a prayer that God allow me to be a poet if only for the time that I write out these words of love to you…
Why? There are a thousand reasons maybe even more…
I met you on a very cold and dreary day in January – a very unordinary day that has turned out to be the most extraordinary day of my entire life. I approached you cautiously…. I was shy – still am a lot of the time – oh – I can be bold on paper and in person…but you do render me…helpless sometimes in such a good way. In those early days and weeks the more we talked …I wondered how a woman so incredible could love just a simple country boy like me…what could I possibly offer you…so I gave you all that I had…my heart and you were gracious enough to receive it and make it yours – and my life has never been the same…. for the first time in my life…I felt completely alive…I think I wrote once before you make me feel every single possible emotion of love and passion and excitement and calm and peace and security and genuine care and kindness ALL at the same time…so my heart is always in some process of bursting with joy at any given time of the day for loving you…
You gave me the courage to step out and change my career and stood by me through all the tests and trials of that…and have rejoiced with me in my successes…I would not and could not have done all that I have accomplished without you – your oh so gentle care and daily encouragement…GOD, I am so damn lucky and blessed…I know this…I realize it each and every single day and I thank God each and every day for your presence in my life…your grace, your generosity, your care, your support, you laughter, your style, your love – oh God…your love – the way you love me…is the single most incredible thing that has ever happened to me – WILL ever happen…and I have heard people say oh “that” feeling goes away and I always wondered “why” – I mean why couldn’t you have that “oh God you take my breath away and I love you so much feeling” every single day…why does it fade and then you just settle into a “routine”…
You want to know WHY? That’s why…because after all these years…”that feeling” that others say just fades away…doesn’t fade…IT just gets better…. and grows deeper with each day and year that passes…. you don’t just live in my heart – you flow through my veins…. you are the beat of my heart…. from the moment I saw that smile...every time I breath – my heart beats twice…first for you – then for me…that is WHY…and because when your turn your head and your eyes twinkle and you smile and you say in only the way you can “I love you” … YOU take my breath away every single time you say the words – it feels like the first time you told me…and my heart flies out of my body and soars that is “why”… we are both individuals neither of us take that away from the other…but, yet connected as only people who love like we do are…
I love that as bold and brilliant as you are – that you recognize that I really am just a shy country boy…and you somehow within your grace – like that…even love that…you have such generosity of heart…you are so gracious…. that is “why” … you don’t need me to “do” anything for you…you are one of the strongest women in spirit and heart I know…but, you in your graciousness of heart allow me to be strong for you and at least let me try to rope the moon for you…that is “why”.
You are so richly talented and show such enthusiasm for what you do – what you learn the things that allow you to show your incredible talent and creativeness…it amazes me…that is “why”.
You are without a doubt the single most amazingly beautiful and stunning woman I have ever seen or will ever see – and you don’t even begin to know the effect you have on my heart – and when I tell you that – you grow quiet and give me that slow sweet smile and simply say “thank you”… you aren’t just beautiful in body – but in heart and mind and spirit – which only makes you shine that much more on the outside…and you do it so effortlessly – and that my dear love is a grace such as Jackie O or Grace Kelly had…effortless beauty – timeless grace…genuine heart…you love with a fierceness of heart…and it shows in all you do and say…that is “why”…
Your sense of humor and quick comebacks are second to none…and you never cease to amaze me everyday with something you say or some idea you have…. that is “why”
Your smile – oh God – that smile…. the purest thing I have ever seen – warms me on the coldest of days and carries me through bad days…and you always have one for me…even when you aren’t “feeling” like smiling…you “always” smile for me…that is “why”…
I always thought if I could somehow bottle the energy and beauty of your smile in a bottle and sprinkle it around – how much more beautiful the world would be…that’s how beautiful your smile is…that is “why”
I love your enthusiasm for learning - books – music – movies – LIFE in general…that is “why”
I love how you get shy when I gush on about how much I love you…that is “why”…
I love that you are bold enough and not afraid to ask me the difficult questions sometimes…. always secure in the knowledge that communication is the most important thing we can possess…and it is what keeps us alive and fresh and learning from one another… that is “why”
I love that you ask me “why do you love me?” because you know I won’t dodge the question and answer…I love that you want to know – that you want to hear me tell you – write to you why…that is “why”
I love the way your love the four pawed babies in our life…. your care and dedication to all life is second to none…that is “why”
I love how you want to help your friends help themselves…that is “why”
I love the way you laugh…. it is infectious… that is “why”
I love the way your voice sounds when you get tired and sleepy… that is “why” and I really love how you sound so sexy when you just wake up…. Thump. Thump. (Smile).
As cliché’ as it sounds…you have made me and inspire me to be “more” – not just for me – but when I am for me – it makes me “more” for you – for us.
Truth is – I have left out so many reasons why and I could write everyday and never write them all – but I will always tell you when you ask “why”.
I send you songs all the time – but when writing this to you tonight – I think about two especially so by Tim McGraw…he sings a song called “one of those nights” …and another truth is that my love – every day and every night with you – no matter the time or the space no matter the mood…is “one of those nights” ----I can truly say that every moment of my life with you is “memorable” in a good way and you cause the deepest happiness in my heart…that is “why”
The other song is “Unbroken” … from even the first smile you left me “unbroken”…and you filled my life and my heart with a passion for all that life has to offer in so many ways…and you have taken this ole’ country boys hand and guided me into your heart – gently and softly but with certainty and made me yours…and that is an honor that only God could have blessed me with and that is “why” – and I pray every day – that God continue to give me the spirit of heart and mind to love you as I should every minute of every day….OH – I know I screw up…and God knows I’m not perfect – but you don’t expect me to be… and that is “why”…
I’m not shy or embarrassed to say that I believe with my entire heart that God brought us together…and He has placed within me such a depth of heart and belief and faith and unconditional love for you…no wind, no storm, no circumstance, no time, no distance, no person, nothing penetrates that love…it is solid and steady and can and will withstand any storm that might blow our way – that is a guarantee…how can I say that? I just can…because your heart and life run through my own heart and veins…and it is for you that I breath…that is “why”.
Why do I love you? Because you are the woman that I love. You are the beat of my heart and I love you with the depth of the ocean….no.matter.what.