Quote:
Originally Posted by nycfem
Once I was dating a butch and after we slept together, and I did my "Do you mind if I..." Hy said seriously and calmly but directly, "That's really selfish of you." Ugh, an argument AFTER sex, processing, having to take stock of whether I'm a bitch --while eye opening, I just somehow knew that the "side of the bed" question becoming an issue meant we would not end up in a relationship, and we didn't, so it got me thinking as I read this thread- that our needs for what side of the bed we sleep on and approaches to it, probably are some deep shit.
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Yes, I absolutely think that is true a lot of the time. For me--the fact that I'm a Domme and have mostly but not exclusively slept on the right side of the bed is an interesting coincidence as far as the side of the bed theory. When I initially said it depends on all of my sleeping paranoias, I sincerely meant that my choice of side of the bed is motivated by some deep shit. Which includes PTSD/trauma stuff and chronic insomnia and nightmares.
I prefer to be farthest away from the door, with my partner between me and the door. I like that protective thing even though I'm a Domme. For me it feels more like a service thing and also somebody accommodating my needs rather than someone being dominant over me because they take the protective position. However, I ALSO need to be free to get out of bed repeatedly through the night because I usually sleep very little and sometimes not at all. I have a lot of anxiety and panic around sleep and if I am boxed into the bed with no way to freely get out I feel like I am suffocating. Sometimes these two needs conflict depending on how a room is set up.
Right now I don't share a bed with anyone so my room and bed are set up purely based on the fact that I sleep alone. My bed is in the corner farthest from the door, which means the right hand side of the bed is boxed into a corner. I have a huge dresser at the foot of bed, between the bed and the door, sort of creating a little sleeping box/nook that is protected, yet completely open on the left hand side so I can get out of bed very easily, and the left hand side also has a bedside table with all the things I might need or want in the middle of the night. All of this is very deliberate.
Sharing this bed set up would be problematic with another person because it means I'd have to choose between my need to be as far away from the door as possible and my need to be able to freely get up during the night. In this case--I would choose being able to get up freely during the middle of the night and not feel boxed in. The bed feels reasonably well protected because of the dresser, my bedroom door has a lock on it, and being boxed in is by far and away the greater of the two evils. And for the record--it would put me on the left side of the bed.
NONE of this has to do with dominance at all. I expect who I sleep with to accommodate me. Ok maybe it's partially out of dominance or having a dominant personality LOL, but mainly I expect someone to comply with my wishes out of respect for the fact that I literally will not sleep even a minute if someone else puts my sleeping issues too out of whack. Usually it doesn't matter as much to the other person so I don't feel bad about it for even a second. I also could not be in a relationship with someone who did not have a more casual attitude towards side of the bed issues than myself.
Anywho. Not sure now why I shared all that except for that I am finding this thread interesting as well and to illustrate that side of the bed choice can be a complicated thing that is unrelated to dominance at all. I absolutely see how it comes into play. But it can also be "deep shit" as nycfem puts it, thing that have to do with convenience, or maybe something else no one has even mentioned yet.