[Ascot]

It certainly wasn't my intent to let this thread languish. Darn that pesky thing called life getting in the way!

It's funny how things go. The other day I was shopping and as I was perusing the shampoo (I change it up fairly regularly) this thread crossed my mind. Prior to starting it, I'd never once given any thought to whether what I washed my hair with was created for someone with an estrogen based physiology. I've most often made my choice based on the fragrance of it. I appreciated that I'd been given that food for thought.

What I've most been thinking about is the masculinity vs. male idea;lately I've been taking a much closer look at it. As someone said, Miss Tick I think, it can be quite difficult sifting one from the other. Societally. there is most often little if any difference between the constructs. I will readily admit that within my ideal butch/femme framework, there are elements of the heteronormative paradigm that appeal to me greatly. A large part of that appeal is the perversion of it that exists because there are two women in the dynamic; me, the masculine half who adores and revels in the glorious femininity of the other half even as she is enamored of and excited by my masculinity. It may well happen that some of our responsibilities break down along stereotypical gender lines and I love that, when I have one, my partner appreciates that I'm still very much female. There are particular contexts in which I find being called Sir incredibly erotic. (The grocery store is not one of them) I wear men's clothes, I take up space, I am unapologetic about my assertive energy. To many who don't know any better, I'm sure these traits and many more would have them thinking I'm "the man" in the relationship. Sometimes I want to rail against such ignorance, but the fact is, most of the time I'm fine with it. I get off on it and play with it on occasion. I don't care what it looks like to anyone from the outside. Still, I've not once ever harbored a desire to truly be male. I enjoy straddling that line, twisting it, blurring it, but I don't ever wish to be completely on the other side of it. As far as I'm concerned, being Butch is the best of all possible worlds for me. I get to be as masculine as suits me without having to pick up some of the baggage that this world can put on men. I also don't feel as though I'm missing out on anything because I'm not granted whatever perceived benefits come with "male privilege".