Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascot
I mean no disrespect to any of my brethren nor am I intentionally inviting scorn when I say that it's definitely the case that some butches have a major chip on their shoulder... A chip, wariness, reticence, discomfort in ones' skin, accessibility, trust, easygoingness, you name it...all of these things, I believe, emit vibrations/energy/some message that others react to subconsciously. I will talk with anyone, and it never crosses my mind to wonder what their feelings are regarding my butchness... I wonder if butches who embraced that aspect of themselves later in their journey and who might not yet feel quite so settled into it are also those who most get less than positive treatment? ... If you've had a lot of bad shit happen to you specifically because you're Butch, it makes sense that you might be on the defensive a lot of the time.
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I don't think I have a major chip or even a minor one on my shoulder. I am comfortable in my skin and I don't walk through the world wary and reticent. And while I don't know what vibrations i may be emitting that other's react to subconsciously, my expectation is not that they will have a negative reaction to my butchness. I will also talk with anyone. I did not embrace my butchness late in my journey and I am quite settled into it. That being said, I have over the years experienced some extremely negative reactions to my butchness. However, it certainly isn't the norm. It isn't my everyday experience with the world. Everyone I meet isn't trying to beat the crap out of me. But some people have. And some have hurt me badly enough that I take measures to not let it happen again. I really don't think I did anything to deserve what happened to me. I don't think it was my fault due to a chip on my shoulder or not being comfortable in my skin or really anything at all that I did except to carry masculinity in a female body unapologetically. I don't think I was defensive nor am I now, but I do try to be aware of what is going on around me and i listen to my gut. I am not looking for trouble but neither am I blissfully unaware of what can happen when a couple of people decide they don't like my looks. Shit happens, but I'm not to blame for it. However I am responsible for my own safety and my ultimate goal is always to avoid getting hurt whenever possible.