Ascot, thank you for starting this thread. April to June was when I lost both my parents and grandparents 35 years ago. I was 22 at the time and dealt with it through a lot of anger for many years. Something happened after 11 years of anger and I was able to release a lot of it. Then I heard a psychologist talking about grief. They said that it takes about half the time you had someone in your life to heal from the loss of them. Whether that's true or not, or whether there is any scientific proof of that I don't know. But it definitely was true for me.
I do remember the feeling that I had after one year. It felt like they passed away either yesterday or were gone forever....but saying 'one year' '2 years' '3 years' or in your case '4 years' just didn't feel right. As if the passing of the time should lessen the pain. It doesn't lessen the pain at that stage. At that stage it's still a struggle to figure out how to be You without them in your life. So, Ascot, you are not alone with that emotion.
Feel what you're going to feel, do what you need to do, but DO remember to be kind to yourself and try to keep in mind that there's still a lot of happiness in your future. We go on living happily as an honor to the people who helped shape us into who we are today....not in spite of them passing.
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