For my Beautiful Talon:
I went for a walk today. A rarity given my schedule of work these past months…but – a beautiful spring/summer day and I couldn’t resist...and I had much on my mind…. and you – you – always on my mind and something you said took me back a step. So, I logged into this place to write to you this evening and to say I am sorry and ask that you forgive me. When I looked at the date of my last “rambling” to you – I couldn’t believe that it was in January, and I felt a heavy weight in my heart…as I love sending you notes of love through this way…for you to find as you are ‘looking around’ and that they perhaps make you smile, and you might feel a deep down smile…that covers your heart because you know you were on my mind and that I love you with a depth that no matter how many letters or words I write I will never ever be totally able to convey the way I want to.
If I could I would physically wrap my heart around yours and protect it from anything negative or bad or sad ever touch it and then for you to feel the beat of mine next to you even when there is occasion for us to have to be apart…. that you would still always have my heartbeat beside you – but, then as I think about it – you do. You always have – you always will. Because my heart does indeed live inside yours…. through all the good and all the bad and all the in between as my grandfather used to say…and life and love is made up of all three…we are no exception – but, we are the exception in some ways…because no matter what may come our way…we stand strong in our love…. and I will always stand with you and for you in every possible way- as the man who loves you – it is my responsibility. My happy responsibility…. for you know I feel that responsibility is not a word to run from…I happen to love being responsible in the way that a man who loves a woman should be…and as I have said many times and will say many more times –I am the single most blessed and lucky man that you chose to love and yes, that is incredible to me – every day…. that you love me right back. It makes my heart stop and then skip a beat every time I think about it – every time I think about you. You truly are the single most beautiful and amazing woman but yes, from the inside out…. your heart is so beautiful that it only makes your glow that much brighter. God, I do love you so – and I am not embarrassed to gush about you – not in the least. I adore you. I cherish you, and I love you and fall in love with you deeper each day. Surely you are God’s most precious blessing to my life. I pray every day and thank Him for the precious gift of your love in my life.
I vowed never to take you, your love for granted, and I would like to think I indeed have not done so, but I know I am not perfect, and so I with all my heart apologize if I have been perhaps in slow motion of sorts – it has been a long winter…but, spring is upon us and I have taken today to clear the cobwebs. I drove to the old farm this evening, where I grew up and stopped at my favorite little white country church (you know the one) and I sat on a log up among the trees looking down on the cemetery and while sitting I saw a twitching red squirrel playing with a Finch, fallen pine needles still on the ground from the crunch of the winter snow and the tapping of a woodpecker and the glint of the water through the trees and I took out my journal I keep for you and wrote to you that way as well. I could hear the stream water running behind me…. such a beautiful spot this is.
There is indeed something so peaceful and calming about the water. I read a book recently that talked about elder and hospice care for a project I was trying to complete for a client. The book told about a place in CT when residents (all short term) want to go outside to be near the water, and this place is indeed right on the water. I read that the staff wheels the entire bed out to a platform that has been specially built. There they could be outside for perhaps the last time in their lives. One last time to breathe the fresh air, feel the sun or the mist. To hear the call of gulls and the crash of waves.
I imagined what that would be like…one last time with sun and water and breeze and sky – and knowing it.
When I think about that – I am renewed in every way. The cobwebs are gone, and I feel renewed and yes, the love grows for you even deeper if that is possible, but it is – because I feel it every day. God allows for my heart to expand to love you more each and every day, and I am thankful and grateful each day.
What can I say, my love? You are an amazing woman and you do indeed take this man’s breath away at the very sound of your voice – yes, even after all these years now…it just never changes and I like to think it is because we share something extraordinary – undefined almost – indeed the kind of love talked about in fairy tales and epic romances – but, then again we are a very real fairy tale and our story grows deeper and stronger every day.
I had someone ask me – what was “our” secret? At the end of the day – and I could write for hours and hours about my love for you, but at the end of all the writing part of the secret is this. We talk – we communicate even when it is difficult and we trust that no matter how “difficult” any one thing may be…. that love never goes away…and for me it is that I will show you each and every day that I breathe that you are the single most precious thing to me in this entire world and that I love you without condition till death do I part.
I love you more than words can say my beautiful and amazing, Talon.
