I don't mean to intrude, but I thought maybe I could share some resources that might be helpful.
Ivan Coyote writes a lot about occupying this liminal space between trans and butch. "I had already spent years feeling like I was perched with one foot on a trans-shaped rowboat and the other foot resting on a butch dock, balancing myself and my language and words and work in the space between them," they wrote in "Between the Boat and the Dock." (
https://www.facebook.com/ThePrideChr...95113043929997).
Another piece by Coyote that might resonate with you is "Shouldn't I Feel Pretty?" (
https://thewalrus.ca/shouldnt-i-feel-pretty/).
Lastly, I'm sure you've heard of (if not already read) the seminal
Stone Butch Blues. It can be found here for free:
http://www.lesliefeinberg.net/
I hope you get the advice and support you need. Also I hope you know there are many ways to be butch or trans or a combination of both, and they're all valid.
Best of luck to you on your journey.