[Kätzchen]

Dearest Diary,

it has been nearly three months since I've paid any attention to you: it's not that I wanted to ignore you because Goddess knows that my mind wanders many times, where it concerns the subject of eroticism. But the side of my conscience, which seems to feel numb, sometimes experiences a magnitude of particular eruptions across the landscape of my terrain; which feels as though there is no eroticism evident in my life, at all.

Just the other day, I considered what could be erotic about biblical phrases that I have memorized since I was a child: you know, the verse that goes "Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee?" Or, how about the verse that says, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me?"


I began to think about the hidden eroticism in these particular verses: what if, by relationship design, these verses point toward the facilitation of intimacy; an intimacy that is deeply rich and wide in its approach toward instilling that one lacking aspect of mutual, and sometimes conditional, acts of reciprocity between two humans who place a higher priority on what makes a relationship flow with the magic that initiates deeper awareness, wider acceptance, and the plausibility that what ever could go 'wrong' will be made 'right' -- by autonomous acts of enduring, feeding, life-giving sustenance???

Do these verses provide a matrix that will contribute to the wellness and health of relational qualities sought? Ought I to pay attention, by closer inspection, to the premise of the boding element of these verses?

As always, I wonder what the present moments hold for me and what goodness will come and assist me in my moments of deeper needs and desires: if only I knew definitively what they are, what they mean or what value they hold in relationship to my present condition (which is often not clearly known in my mind), I tell myself that I might know what the answer could be. But as part of my inherent abilities and present condition is and always seems to have been, alas, I humbly submit that I do not know, nor can imagine at times or even dream of a conceptualization to operationalize!

Oh my!!!!! I can only do that which my mind is capable of or that which I am not able or capable of knowing. My prayer is that I will learn slowly: with emphasis on slowly now because life happens at speeds unknown to me and I long for time to just sit and think on things which demand no constraints upon time. My wish is for time to slow down and the gift just to breathe: the ability to breathe in the fragrance of life and all that is created to be cherished.

Does this seem like a form of eroticism? For tonight, my dearest diary, I feel that this will be all that I ask of the Goddess that provides enlightenment and shelters me from all harm: the eroticism of time slowing down just to breathe and take in all that is beautiful and cherish worshipfully the act of eroticism held in the constellation of my hearts' desire.

Although I am late,
I am still faithfully and ardently yours!