[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

Anyway, I hope people might be interested in talking about this type of thing. Some things I often ask myself, concerning setting the bar high is....

1) What purpose is served?

And...

2) Does it guarantee a better chance of an lasting relationship?

I would like to see this subject explored in reasonable ways.
If you've been wondering too, I'm interested in hearing your take on whether "setting the bar high" proved of any usefulness to you, at all.

Here's the problem with 'setting the bar high'....it can be used as a defense mechanism and an excuse. If someone is honest with their self, it's not problematic. There's absolutely nothing wrong with requiring a partner to treat you well and to behave in an adult fashion. People will treat you how you allow or require them to. However, I've seen a lot of people use the process less as a tool and more as a reason to not give someone a chance. For example: I don't want anyone that's shorter than 5'10" and they must have blue eyes and work in finance. That's unreasonable, because the person that might treat me best could be 5'4" with brown eyes. People use the theory for less than a behavioral model and more like a physical standards test from grade school.

I agree with Grainne. Some standards are great but don't get carried away and ridiculous with it.

To answer your questions directly, it serves a purpose of weeding out people that won't make you happy and satisfied. Does it guarantee a better chance of a lasting relationship? No. Nothing and no one can guarantee a 'lasting relationship' but it will go far in helping you find someone that will make the time you have with them joyful.