[TexasCowboi]

My original Cowboy's world entry on the "other site" ya'll enjoy

A Cowboi's World.......
*chuckles*

I figured I would let you all in on who Texas Cowboi is.

I know some of you all out there think that all I am about is starting Potty Humor Threads and Lists....


There are a few reasons for posting those threads.... the first one being that with all I have seen and all I have been through, I can't go through life being an Asshole and being bitter all the time... (I"m living proof that being those two things all the time, is hazardous to your health..LOL).... and the second reason is that I use humor to de-escalate a bad day or an arguement or anything of the sort. It has helped Me get through some days that not many could get through. It has also helped Me get through 20 years in EMS and 12 years in LE... without many fights...two to be exact.... ( and for those of you who are wondering, some of those years in EMS and LE...were concurrent....)

I started in EMS when I was 15 years old.... and was making life and death decisions immediately....and for years... I was pretty damn good at keeping the emotions from the bad calls bottled up inside... I am still pretty good at hiding things like that....I just chose not to sometimes...

Then it all started to hit Me... little by little... piece by piece... dealing with the pain of telling someone you couldnt save their relative....
the pain as you stare at that blank look in a 6 yr old child's eyes, when you are working your ass off to save him, because an ignorant relative left him alone around a swimming pool....and coming home crying only to have your "lover" tell you to leave work at work.
the anger you feel at not being given a chance to help that person who just ended their life courtesy of Smith and Wesson....
the pain of seeing the fear in the elderly person's eyes when they just had a stroke and are worried about being able to live a normal life, knowing good and well that you cannot do anything for them but hold their frail hand...
and the pain of carrying a body-with the heroin needle still stuck in her arm- out of an apartment, and that body was that of a friend you had just been out havin fun with three hours earlier....
the pain of seeing and kissing your lover on friday night, only to get up for work and see on the headline news saturday morning, that she has been killed by her jealous ex...courtesy of Smith and Wesson

** I guess what I"m trying to get at with all of this... is when you see someone who is being an asshole...or is being bitter... or you see a police officer, paramedic or firefighter laughing at something you think is inappropriate....take the time to think about what that person may or may not have been through.... yes, some are assholes by nature... some are not... some are only assholes as a means of protection...some people use humor as a means of laughing so you dont cry...I, Myself, chose to use My sense of humor as a means to lighten things up...

Here is a little bit of something I wrote during some of those really dark times in My life...

Why do play games with each other?
For their own amusement?
Or for the realm of thoughts they create?
Thoughts of emptiness, like the emptiness of death, the overwhelming feeling as a loved one is lowered into the ground, knowing you'll never see her face again, Only bits and pieces fading in and out in the pages of your memory. Thoughts of remembering the last look of emtiness as the door is closed for the last time.
Thoughts of loneliness, the feeling that comes over you as you look back through time and picture that person, as you remember, those precious tender moments, the ones you'll never have again.
Thoughts of destruction, like that of a flood of thunderclouds building, raining, and pouring, until finally the rumble of those imminent clouds sends the water crashing , rolling downhill, gaining momentum as it wipes out everything in it's path.
Thoughts of pain as you picture the person who thrust a knife of pain deep inside you, thrust deep inside your body and soul, tearing up your insides, tearing up your mind, twisting and turning as it leaves nothing left to live, nothing left that can live.
copywritten by TexasCowboi

** anyways, thats just a little taste of Me...and who I am... the things I talked about above, have made Me who I am today... sometimes cynical, sometimes an asshole, sometimes very very bitter... and sometimes hilarous....
This was not meant to depress anyone and it was not meant to be a Pity Party or anything like that..... as I said earlier, its just an insight as to what made Me who I am today...

and no, I will not stop with the Potty Humor Threads, unless I am asked to do so by Dusa or Jack.
**The Original Cowboi**