Quote:
Originally Posted by VintageFemme
The internet has made our world much smaller and brought people into our lives that would never have come if it weren't for this medium. I absolutely do think long distance relationships can work but I think there is so much more work that goes into one than one that isn't. And you have to be ready to do the work to make it work. It requires so much trust, communication and attentiveness. It truly has to be the priority in your life because if it isn't, it will suffer at the hands of distance. And in my personal experience, I've also learned that you cannot jump too quickly. You have to take the time to get to know one another which in a ldr is a lot longer than in the day to day face to face world. But if you're looking at forever, then taking it slow really is a small thing in the big picture. Every relationship is a risk always. There are never ever safety nets when you jump but taking a few precautions and jumping in slow motion I think can minimize some of those uncertainties. Yeah, in my humble albeit experienced opinion - I do think they can work.
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I have found bits and pieces in all the posts here, but this one encompasses a lot of what I believe. I don't post much here, but this caught my eye and it is a subject near and dear to my heart. I'm going to share my experiences.
I've had 3 LDR's. The first was with a woman that I had a 30 year history with. We went to high school together, she searched for me, and while I felt I was being stalked, in the end we had a LDR. We met 5 weeks after first conversing (even tho I felt I was being stalked initially). We decided we had to do LDR for 1 year while the kids graduated school. We were both in an excellent financial situation so we were able to bridge the 1,000 mile separation every 3-4 weeks. We also had decided on a "be together" date after our first meeting. Long story short, after a year, she moves here, we've already established ourselves in both of our friends and families circles so it was a very smooth transition. We married, it eventually ended in divorce but not due to the LDR.
My second LDR was an online initiated relationship. My first. It was pretty much a train wreck (although of course I didn't see it at the time). The honesty card and availability card come into play here. (Hers, not mine).
My third LDR was also online, even tho I swore I would never do it again. But, hell, the heart wants what it wants. We're still unfinished business in my opinion. We did meet live after talking for 8 months. We spent 7 days & 6 nights together in another state for my daughter's wedding. I wouldn't change a thing. Well, a few. But we're having difficulties getting over some humps from that visit.
It's been stated in another thread that omission is also a lie. While I believe the premise of that, I have to say; some things are hard to share via text, phone, skype, facetime. Without that human touch, seeing the reaction, it's hard to tell all. Sometimes omission is due to shame, not deceit. There is a very real difference. Yes, you need to trust. However, on line, LDR, the option to just click ignore or not answer a phone or text tilts the tables more than a little bit. In real time, you can approach somebody. Talk to somebody. Touch somebody. LDR does not afford that. Unfortunately, it's so easy to walk away in an online LDR without dealing. Without putting the effort in. Having said that, I do believe one of the greatest advantages to on line is that all you have is communication. You can lay a foundation based on the endless hours of conversation and sharing that you might not do RL. If you are both being honest with each other, this can be a huge advantage and cornerstone to happily ever after.
In the end, it's a very personal experience. What works for us only works for us.