[Isadora]

I find this whole discussion moot. Obviously people ID differently. We are all complex beings who have many identities. I don't think I like being "pigeonholed" (for lack of a better term) into anyone reading me through a "femme lense" rather than a human lens. Femme to me is PART of many parts of who I am. (I.E. I am fat, I am highly educated, I am of European descent, I am old, I am handicapped, I am...)

The last time I checked, I had no need to make comments on how people ID, just had to accept it. I have been and out femme for over 30 years. I have seen the ebb and wane of ID's that are accepted and not accepted.

Now, I know it is a femme thread, so it makes sense to ask how a participant id's. Once they ID or chose not to ID, I need to move on I do not need to vilify (I know strong word but that is the "feeling" I get from posts) or keep hounding on the same subject because I did not get an answer I liked. "No" or "do not ID as femme" is an answer, whether I like the answer or not. So now with that knowledge I can "read" through my femme lens posts.

Historically, in the 50's and 60's you had to id either b or f in our community, those who ID'd as kiki were kind of shunned or feared. The rigid structures of that culture were questioned and dismissed by some and we had the androgynous lesbian community. Rigidity led to backlash against the b/f community in the 70's where b/f became ridiculed for being "pawns of the patriarchy" and "coping heterosexual relationships". (K, I find it amusing that those same people are now touting for acceptance that we are JUST like heterosexual relationships.) I would hate to go back to that rigid structure.

I am a femme lesbian. I have always been a femme lesbian. I marched my little ass off to say that out loud. What I am reading is two different perspectives. Each is worthwhile, each is legitimate and valued. So to disagree is a natural thing and actually a good thing. I have gotten to the point with somethings to ask without snark or cynicism, "Is it okay to disagree with you?" Because sometimes it seems it is not or at least the question opens up a discussion on the ability to disagree and still honor one another.

I, like Sassy, have huge issues with cultural appropriation of language. To me, a woman can be feminine if she is not queer id'ed but femme is part of the glbt culture. But it is my opinion...