Quote:
Originally Posted by Martina
Yes and no. It is the couple's day, and they are spending a heck of a lot on it. But guests are often traveling and spending a fair amount of time and money on the event. For some folks, it's a money they might not be able to easily afford. But they do because they care. When I worked at a library (low pay), a couple of closely spaced weddings could decimate my vacation time and discretionary income. Yet I knew I'd regret it if I didn't attend.
So while it certainly is not ABOUT the guests, couples who make it unnecessarily hard on guests are not being kind.
My cousin's son arranged to pick up relatives at the airport, paid for hotel rooms for those who could not afford them, and so on. I think that if you want loved ones at your wedding, you DO think about how not to make it a hardship on them.
As much as I love friends and relatives, there does come a point at which I will say no. A friend who required guests to fly into a remote area of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and then do primitive camping for two days got a no. I love him, and the wedding pictures were beautiful. But -- for me -- that was too much. I think they had a great time, but I never regretted it. (You could see guests swatting mosquitos in some of the pics.)
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I didn't expect my guests to come, really. My parents could not fly from canada to amsterdam, nor could my friends. My friends in england could not afford the airfare and the bus, though very affordable, is a 12 hour drive. Most people I know in London do not have cars. You don't need a car.
So I had three guests from london (plus DJs). That's it. I was find with that. I wanted my wedding in Amsterdam, I wanted a marriage not a civil partnership, and frankly I wanted to be married in Holland. I missed my mom and dad pretty badly, especially when I came down the stairs dressed to get in the cab to go to the civil service. Ink's Mom and Tante Ellen tried really hard to make me feel at home though. Ink was with her dad and brother and I was with her mom and auntie.
But I fully accepted that my choice about what I wanted for my wedding meant that the majority of of my guests would not be there. I was ok with it, given that 90% of my friends "don't believe in marriage" anyway.