[Esme nha Maire]

(Chuckle) Bex, these matters of privilege and socialisation and such are things I've long given much thought to since childhood; it's not a subject area I've only thought about since realising that transitioning is possible, at the age of 28, some 32 years ago for me. I was reading feminist literature since my mid-teens and enthralled by it, because it spoke to me of the problems faced by women - people like me - and possible ways to go about trying to tackle them.

You mention self-deprecating behaviour - yep, I've always been like that (got told off for it in chat here by someone just the other evening!). I asked for raises at work but almost never got them; it just wasn't in my nature to be aggressive about it. Now, it should be noted that there are cisgender guys who are self-deprecating and non-agressive, so I'm not claiming that my more female-typical behaviour in that regard necessarily comes from my femaleness. But it is innate. And guys always have talked over me, ignored me, etc. As also have the more forceful women.

The only thing I can think of where I know male privilege was definitely aimed in my direction was a few occasions where, being the only visually male person in a small group, I was looked to as some kind of authority on whatever the topic was at hand. That mere possession of male visual characteristics didn't make me an oracle - ie: I'd happily state that I had no idea if I had no idea - confused some (disgusted some - what kind of a man was I if I didn't know THAT stuff?!), delighted other women. And as I've noted elsewhere, I was quite often, although not always, tacitly treated as 'one of the girls' in offices I worked in, because, well, psychologically I was one.

Actually I've just recalled one temp job I landed because the temping agency had noticed that very thing. A timber merchants had an office run by a male manager but with otherwise all-female staff, and they had a backlog of work, manually creating invoices, so wanted a temp to help. When the agency put me forward, the timber yard wasn't initially enthusiastic because they were concerned that a male might cause problems with the female staff. They reluctantly agreed, on the understanding that if I wasn't suitable I'd be out the door like a shot. That company actually asked for me back by name on three later occasions when they had backlogs because I could both do the work well and fit in fine with the (other, to me) women there.

In short - I'm sufficiently bright and introspective to be aware of the diversity and subtlety of the ways in which male privilege exists and is accorded or taken for granted by some. But truly - nope, I don't believe I was even accorded male privilege very often (and I can't recall ever benefitting from such - not saying I absolutely may not have, just that if I did, it would have been in very, very minor ways), I just didn't fit societys notions of what a male should be like, because I could not - I'm female, always have been as well as having had the severe bodily dysphoria.

It wasn't a case of 'groking womanthink' with me and some others that I encountered - we were just simply ourselves and, well, female of mind. (shrugs). To me it seems like there's a certain amount of 'magical thinking' on the part of some who think that mentally there always MUST be some difference between cisgender women and transwomen, just as there are with some who think that any such differences that exist must necessarily be ignored.

So far as I can see, with regard to the socialisation and male privilege issues with MTFs, the reality is that there is a spectrum from the one extreme, those who have little trouble transitioning because they always were very female of mind and absorbed societys expectations of females, rather than males; through those who may have to work on things a bit in order to transition socially successfully; to those who just cannot seem to stop acting like a bloke and who are always likely to experience problems being accepted as female because of it.

Sure I haven't experienced menses and all that surrounds that, nor childbirth despite my strong instinct, when younger, to want to bear children. I didnt experience people telling me I couldn't be X when I grew up because aside from wanting to be an astronomer from a young age (fairly acceptable for both genders even back then), I tended not to mention some things that I maybe wanted to be, because I was aware I might get strong disapproval for some of them (like being a dancer in certain female dance troupes!).

But I was aware as a child that girls were commonly directed toward certain types of aspirations and away from others, and thought it horribly unfair, and this well before I'd even heard of feminism. (shrugs). We are all individuals, and MTFs are incredibly diverse in the way they present to the world when young and in their experience of the world when young. The myth that we must ALL necessarily have been unaware of the existence of male privilege in the world, and therefore either be educated to a womans lot in the world or have a sudden moment of illumination once we transition is just simply not so, any more than thinking that we're all just women and that's that just because we say we are. I'm as capable of seeing what's in the world around me as any other girl or woman - that's why feminism appealed to me as a youngster - because I hated the way the world treated people like me - ie: women. So I respectfully disagree with you on that point, Bex.