"THIS" is NOT a cry for help. Nor is it a call for support, acceptance, understanding, or sympathy. I am not asking for prayers, thanks, or even acknowledgment.
"THIS" is a person, a girl, a mother, an abuser and an abused woman sitting in the dark in a house with "family" that are as alien to me as I to them.
*I don't know them, they don't know me......we co-exists, each a sovereign planet orbiting around each other. Occasionally through the sheer will of ones gravitational pull.......we collide......and we speak something real....do something real.....then as predictable as the sun rising each morning........we disengage, and become alone..............
............again................
Today -
*I Feel like a star.......a tumultuous ball of gas giving all my warmth and light to everyone who seeks it...................
.......................When was the last time YOU thanked the sun?
My star.....is anxious....paranoid......confused.....but mostly tired......I have been spinning and shining and providing.........I want to rest............
....................So I wait..................
To Super Nova...........to self-destruct...........it takes so long........ I fight to pierce myself....but i cannot....the knife, the razor, the scissors are never sharp enough to bleed out.........
......................I have scars...............
I can feel the change.....The Super Nova is coming......But it tells me it needs my help............I cry out to light...............beg to learn the secret to extinguish it forever..................
...................no answer.........
Well, what is the next step......I need to burn hotter......so I may burn out......
I love harder, I hate harder, I give more, more more more....adding fuel to my fire........I cry tears.....My face is wet................
.......................I feel nothing.............
There has to be a way.....I need more....harder...rougher......dirtier.....hatefill ed....self loathing.....so i may explode.......... a brilliant, blinding blight..........
...........Removed..........
But my light, while smaller and dispersed......will shine, from afar...........
..................forever................