[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Bit

You're welcome, Sachita.

You know, your post here, combined with other people's posts here about their parents, really resonates with me. My biofamily is full of people who BELIEVE they love unconditionally even as they judge and judge and judge again. Like others have said, they think they love me and yet they don't even KNOW me--because it isn't safe for me to let them know me.

Do I love them all, even when they do things which are heinous to me, like praying against me, invoking God to control me? Yes.

Is my love unconditional? I dunno. If they behaved badly enough, they certainly could kill it off. But for now, while I love them, it doesn't depend on what they do.

Maybe that's the major blessing of the Geographical Cure. *wry smile*

Thinking about what you are saying about under certain circumstances, you would need to extracate yourself from bio-family. Your love might remain in some form, but, I think if it was for your best interest to cut them out of your life, it makes sense. Painful, but, I sure know people that have had to do this.

In fact, my niece came to a point in her life for about 4 yeras that she had just had it with my sister and stopped seeing or talking to her. She did allow her kids to continue to see my sister and brother-in-law (nieces step-father, an OK guy). Although, it hurt me to see this, I really felt that my niece had some good reasons for this and at that time, it was what she needed to do for herself. My sister was not giving her unconditional love and not viewing my niece at this time as the person she was and had not throughout her childhood. My sister was emotionally abusive to her daughter (and at times, physically abusive- she, herself was being abused as such by an alcoholic husband). They eventually worked through this, but, I still don't believe my sister recognizes my niece for the woman she is and that makes me sad. My sister did apologize and acknowledge her abusive parenting, however.