[AtLast]

[QUOTE=DapperButch;129926


Is it because we've all had our share of struggles in negotiating the world, our self-identity, others expectations, etc. and we are more guarded and protective of that? Is it for fear of becoming left out? Is it competitive posturing for the attentions of femmes?

Just throwing some stuff out there....

QUOTE]



Glad you threw it out here!

I think you might have something here with being guarded and self-protective. I just don't see either butches or trans/ig (and all the various identities) having a great time within society a lot of the time when we all just want to be who we are. And in our community, there just seems to be an awful lot of stereotyping on top of the outside world.

I think it is hard to feel left out when there just doesn't seem to be much room for yourself anywhere, so, when it feels shitty here, it feels really bad!

I have thought about the posturing stuff and competition over femmes quite a bit. I don't know if this is really true, but I wonder how much all of us internalize what femmes project as being attractive in terms of who we all are. Hell, we have all read posts talking about the super-butch, etc. by some (not all) femmes. But, I sure see other posts in support of a butch like me, too.

There are femmes that will only date Transmen and there are those that will only date butches. I try not to question either even though I have had some weird things happen around dating a couple of femmes that wanted me to transition. I honestly believe that everyone is just attracted to what they are attracted to. Then, again, I know femmes that have said they didn't ever think they would be with a transguy, but are. It seems to me that it is the person they fell in love with and the gender stuff just doesn't matter.

Hummm... you know, one of my old time FtM friends once did say to me that he sometimes felt that women (he would use women, not femme as he has no identification with the B-F dynamic) just wanted to find out about a Transguy out of shear curiosity! This made him pretty suspicious and guarded. I thought this sucked because he isn't a freaking experiment!

Ut, Oh... maybe I digressed....

Anyway, Dapper, I think there is a whole big pile of things that both butches and transmen could be guarded about which then can just lead to defensiveness for self-protection. I wish this wasn't true because it is smacking us all around, really getting in the way of our friendships and working together for civil rights (if that is something you want to do).