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Esme nha Maire · 04-08-2018, 03:10 AM

Might I interject that the terms that people use of themselves and of each other are neither universal, nor are the meanings attached thereto. Put another way, some people will have in their heads hard and fast definitions for each of the terms that we use within our community - but two such people may not agree on where the boundaries between one and another lay. And I'm told that there are marked differences between how women in the USA and UK regard and use the terms often used within our community here.

We all seek to find where we fit in in the world. Where is the place for me? When one doesn't easily conform to the norms of wider society it can be bad enough, but when one finds oneself adrift even within a smaller sub-section of society that notionally one should fit within somewhere, it can be quite upsetting, as I know from personal experience.

THE big thing to take in, in my opinion, is that your personal experiences and feelings are valid. They are a valid way to be, and what anyone else thinks or whether they think the same way in the same terms with the same definitions as you or not does not matter. Fretting and arguing over such can cause unnecessary friction and pain. It's trite but true that "you be YOU" is probably the best advice there is.

You don't have to be trans OR butch. Those are just labels for aspects of being. You can be one, both, neither, you can think of yourself as one, both, neither and none of that matters so long as you are being YOU just as hard as you can. I've used this phrase before because it's true - words - labels - are descriptive (they describe us), not proscriptive (they do not determine who and what we are).

I caused myself a lot of needless grief over the years because I was trying to pigeonhole myself into a few very limited and limiting boxes defined by a very few words because they were the only words I knew: male/female, straight/gay - and my knowledge of how things are and can be was so very limited. The more I came to understand, and the more I came to regard labels as places on a map that I might be nearby, but perhaps not exactly at, rather than those damned constraining pigeonholes, the happier I became.

I hope this helps.

04-08-2018, 03:10 AM	#44
Esme nha Maire Member How Do You Identify?: Tomboyish eccentric antique femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: UK Posts: 642 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,196 Thanked 2,089 Times in 541 Posts Rep Power: 19310768	Might I interject that the terms that people use of themselves and of each other are neither universal, nor are the meanings attached thereto. Put another way, some people will have in their heads hard and fast definitions for each of the terms that we use within our community - but two such people may not agree on where the boundaries between one and another lay. And I'm told that there are marked differences between how women in the USA and UK regard and use the terms often used within our community here. We all seek to find where we fit in in the world. Where is the place for me? When one doesn't easily conform to the norms of wider society it can be bad enough, but when one finds oneself adrift even within a smaller sub-section of society that notionally one should fit within somewhere, it can be quite upsetting, as I know from personal experience. THE big thing to take in, in my opinion, is that your personal experiences and feelings are valid. They are a valid way to be, and what anyone else thinks or whether they think the same way in the same terms with the same definitions as you or not does not matter. Fretting and arguing over such can cause unnecessary friction and pain. It's trite but true that "you be YOU" is probably the best advice there is. You don't have to be trans OR butch. Those are just labels for aspects of being. You can be one, both, neither, you can think of yourself as one, both, neither and none of that matters so long as you are being YOU just as hard as you can. I've used this phrase before because it's true - words - labels - are descriptive (they describe us), not proscriptive (they do not determine who and what we are). I caused myself a lot of needless grief over the years because I was trying to pigeonhole myself into a few very limited and limiting boxes defined by a very few words because they were the only words I knew: male/female, straight/gay - and my knowledge of how things are and can be was so very limited. The more I came to understand, and the more I came to regard labels as places on a map that I might be nearby, but perhaps not exactly at, rather than those damned constraining pigeonholes, the happier I became. I hope this helps.