[*Anya*]

My long-term ex would make it a practice to just show up and knock on my door.

I absolutely hate unplanned drop-in visitors and she knew this but repeatedly did it anyway.

It would always be under the guise of "I just wanted to see how you were doing", so I would feel guilty about just shutting the door in her face, which I should have done.

She last did it a year ago after one of my surgeries, when I was at my most vulnerable. She started talking about wanting to take care of me (an easy button-pusher to suck me in) and how she would still like to get back together and how we shouldn't "waste" those 19-years we previously spent together.

I had a screaming melt-down. (Not proud of this).

Just the though of ever getting back together with her (for all the reasons I have posted about over the last couple of years) was all it took to finally, really clearly, set my boundaries with her. I said that we would never, ever, in this lifetime (or the next); ever get back together. (Reminds me of that Taylor Swift song but mine happened before her song came out).

I also said that if she ever just showed up at my door, uninvited, I would close the door.

I have not heard from her since.

I think that because I always struggled with wanting to be pleasant and positive with her, I would feel guilty if I was firm or "mean" (how I thought I would be to be more direct with her), on some level, it always gave her an opening to try again. My pattern with her was to always give in or be persuaded to do what she wanted, regardless of how I really felt.

I am so glad to not feel like that anymore.