[little man]

Originally Posted by Inuus

My Mother has been gone since I was 14 (1977). I used to visit her grave fairly regularly it was hearbreaking for me..was such a hard time. I have lived far away for quite some years but when I do go back to NH I do visit her grave
I had a bad spell there for awhile with deaths
I lost my father in 2001
One of my closest friend in 2002
My sister with Down Syndrome in 2003
My partner in 2006

I dont visit my Fathers grave, my sisters or my best friends because they are buried so far away. Im sure if I went back there I would go to see them. Im not sure exactly what it "does" for me. I mostly clean up the site make sure everything looks nice and neat.
My partner was cremated and I have her ashes in the house

I guess it depends on each person and if or how it comforts them

i think this is the crux of my question. of course, i want the site to be well kept and tidy. i've set aside some cash to add a couple of planters to the grave site so i can plant mom's beloved roses for her. i just don't feel a sense of connection there and am wondering if other folks feel that or if it's something different that draws them there. i do realize there's no right or wrong way to go about this. being individual, we all find solace in differing things and peace wherever we may. i suspect i'm trying to think myself through this trying time and find a way that feels both respectful of my mother and tenable for me.

i'm very sorry to hear about your losses. so many in such a short time. that has to be very difficult. my heart goes out to you.