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imperfect_cupcake · 07-28-2011, 12:48 AM

I had bed death in a relationship once. It was with my boyfriend (xy male) at the time. We were both young and the best of friends. There was nothing "wrong" with our relationship to each other (no trust issues broken, we loved each other tons etc) but I think that our extremely high level of intimacy without the frission of sexual adventure made it just melt into a friendship only thing. The last year we were together, we had sex about four times, I think. It was pretty clunky the last two times. If you don't use it, you lose it - and what I didn't know back then was: you have to put aside times to just have a go anyway. and do it while doing something new and what both turns you on.

I like diiiiirty sex. And it wasn't dirty any more so I lost my desire for it. Not for him, really, just for the calm, intimate sex that is nice as a topping but I just can't get into as a main course. I also didn't know that then. I do know better now. stressors still happen and I have highly intimate relationships (which can put stress on your love life). But I know now to say, "I want my hands tied if you are going to do that" or "how bout here on the couch instead of in bed" - having sex in bed every single time in exactly the same way because we are both super tired most of the time and want to have sex but have 20 minutes to do so cause we need sleep... is a killer for me. I'd rather not have sex for an extra week then have it on a weekend afternoon we've put aside (regardless of if I'm in the mood or not - I can be stirred into the mood if it's different, novel, dirty or nasty in some way) because repetitiveness will get me to "neh, I think I'm too tired. lets sleep"

And from what I hear from my other friends, that's a common complaint that does lead to het/homo bed death.

07-28-2011, 12:48 AM	#65
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I had bed death in a relationship once. It was with my boyfriend (xy male) at the time. We were both young and the best of friends. There was nothing "wrong" with our relationship to each other (no trust issues broken, we loved each other tons etc) but I think that our extremely high level of intimacy without the frission of sexual adventure made it just melt into a friendship only thing. The last year we were together, we had sex about four times, I think. It was pretty clunky the last two times. If you don't use it, you lose it - and what I didn't know back then was: you have to put aside times to just have a go anyway. and do it while doing something new and what both turns you on. I like diiiiirty sex. And it wasn't dirty any more so I lost my desire for it. Not for him, really, just for the calm, intimate sex that is nice as a topping but I just can't get into as a main course. I also didn't know that then. I do know better now. stressors still happen and I have highly intimate relationships (which can put stress on your love life). But I know now to say, "I want my hands tied if you are going to do that" or "how bout here on the couch instead of in bed" - having sex in bed every single time in exactly the same way because we are both super tired most of the time and want to have sex but have 20 minutes to do so cause we need sleep... is a killer for me. I'd rather not have sex for an extra week then have it on a weekend afternoon we've put aside (regardless of if I'm in the mood or not - I can be stirred into the mood if it's different, novel, dirty or nasty in some way) because repetitiveness will get me to "neh, I think I'm too tired. lets sleep" And from what I hear from my other friends, that's a common complaint that does lead to het/homo bed death.