[cathexis]

Definitely had more fun and was more productive in my 30s/40s. Had a lucrative job, owned a townhouse outside of Ft. Lauderdale, my self esteem was high. Had a good group of equally wild friends. We would jet off several times a year to Intl. Ms. Leather, Living in Leather, Michfest, even Intl. Mr. Leather, and wherever else we wanted to. I had full leathers that were given or earned. Drove around in a Saab.

Went on a nursing travel assignment, my leathers were stolen, I was raped and the asshole stole my collection of irreplaceable whip and quirts as well as all my turquoise jewelry. I was put in jail pending court which I pled Nolo contender cause I could risk a felony. Had not done what they charged me with, but it was the only way out. Had my custom made wedding ring stolen. Yeah, sure the rapist went to prison...for 2 years!

Have been homeless twice panhandling for food and a place for the night. Lost my companion animals 1) a wolf hybrid had to be placed up for adoption and 2) a sweet pitbull who was a one family dog had to be put down. My 3 cats just wandered off. My Partner's sister paid for our travel from Albuquerque and refused the animals. Once in the NE, we were housed with Her brother whose wife hated us.

Both of us became disabled, but I was the only one whose SSDI was approved. We live in a small village up near Canada. Saving money to move to a city, probably Albany.

See those 30s and 40s were truly better. I feel like I'm just biding time. My depression and OCD are much worse. Have become agoraphobic. Rarely leave the apartment which is a whole other mess.