[Lady_Wu]

Great thread! I have some gender fluidity in my own life. For instance, when I was little and about until age thirteen. I insisted I was a boy. I played exclusively with boys, made fun of "icky girls", etc. It was until my let me know that I was wrong that I began to reluctantly acknowledge that I was a girl. I've been told that this was a case of my having jumped the guff (I was a 3 month preemie) too soon. I had not truly made the transition from one incarnation to another. But it left me confused as to who and what I was.
For a long, long time I dressed as an androgyne. I had extremely short hair (still do), wore clothing that could be worn by any gender, and was ambiguous in my attitude and actions. Until I spoke, one did not realize I was in fact a girl. And even then was left somewhat wondering.
The only thing I knew for sure was that I was attracted to butches. Was I a fag? I did not know. They surely were attracted to me! Yet I had femmes chasing me, too. (No interest for me there, sorry.) But I never wore dresses or any other femme things. I DID enjoy mixing things up, like camo pants and Doc Martens with a laced, ALMOST femme shirt. I liked to keep people guessing.
Then one day I wandered into a boutique. NOT my normal habitat! The salesperson persuaded me to try on a Flax dress. I liked it. So I bought it and gradually acquired more and more femme items. I let my fingernails grow and began polishing them. I began wearing lipstick. Gradually I morphed into a femmy femme.
This process took place over time and soul-searching. Just wh/what was I? Did it matter to me? I decided that it did, and embraced my femme identity. Yet traces of my androgenous self remain. I wear my hair extremely short, though now for religious reasons. I think of myself as a "Taoist monk", rather than a bhikkhuni. Somes I find myselg longing after men;s clothing. For instance, I would LOVE to dress like Ellen sometimes! Though I would femme that up with jewelry, nail polish, lipstick, ect. I still have my Docs and will occasionally wear them with a dress. I can do anything around the house a butch can do, though would rather not.
The one thing I have never, would never do is act the part of a butch in bed. There I have always been a stone femme! Perhaps that is why I sought out butches! I still don't know why this is so but do not question that anymore. I am who I am, whatever that is. For me that is a femme, with power and the abibity to live on my own terms!
Lady_Wu