[Nomad]

1 - baby talk/purposely babyish voices ----> the silly dog/cat voice is something i tolerate with an extreme amount of good nature and have even tried to participate in myself. (ugh) also, children should not be spoken to in that voice once they reach 2 years old, if at all. they are not morons. but i've also been told that that kind of voice altering is engaging to kids in pre-verbal stages. i have met kids who had no idea how to really talk though, because the adults in their immediate environment spoke baby talk to the constantly. one little girl had issues by the time pre-school rolled around. her teachers thought she was hearing impaired. turned out that her parents and older sisters just spoke to her in baby talk all the time.

2 - tailgates ----> yes i know you hate being behind slow drivers. yes i agree that driving too slowly on the interstate is dangerous. but guess what Sparky? tailgaiting is megadangerous too. i dont know what kind of ego is required to make you believe that, with sheer force of will apparently, you can bring a vehicle traveling 65 mph to a complete and safe stop without hitting the car ahead of you when there's way less than a couple of car lengths between us and their back bumper (or in the case of yesterday, about 18 inches MAX) but i imagine it must be the same brand of ego that thinks that there's such a thing as "legitimate rape" and that Viagra is important while birth control is not.

3 - turn signal avoiders/delayed turn signals ----> it's a shame that so many cars apparently come without turn signals. i mean, if you had it you'd use it, right? it does tell people what to expect from you after all. that's a pretty helpful thing to the, oh i dont know, HALF A GAZILLION OTHER DRIVERS who are all just trying to LIVE to reach their damn destination!!!! it's also an indication of something you're going to do IN THE NEAR FUTURE, not the opportunity to point out to the rest of us something you've ALREADY DONE, as if to say, "see what i just did there? i changed lanes!" it's also something that you should TURN OFF once you've used it instead of leaving it on for the remainder of your trip, thus making the rest of us believe that at any moment you could veer into a different lane or turn a (real or imaginary) corner on your cross country tour to the left (or right, of course, depending upon which blinker you bloody well couldnt turn the f*ck off!!!!!) --- people who assume driving is a right rather than a privilege are also automatically on the peeve list

4 - people who use "god" as their excuse/reasoning/explanation for everything ----> one of the most inane examples i've ever heard ----> when asked whether or not she chatted with her bikini waxer during appointments (yes, that's the indication that the rest of my sentence is going to be the stupidest thing you've ever read), Kathi Lee Gifford (told you it was going to be stupid) replied that she didnt have a bikini waxer as she thought that "some things should be left the way G*d made them." i suppose her plastic surgery doesnt feature on that list of things. as a more serious example, Richard Mourdock's (IN state treasurer) comment, "“I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, it is something that God intended to happen.” and that when rape results in pregnancy the baby should be considered "a gift from G*d" made me want to vomit up my spleen. it also begs the question why, if G*d wanted to give someone the gift of a baby He couldnt just sprinkle some baby glitter over a uterus and 'make it so'. seems to me that there are a lot more pleasant ways to become pregnant. i'm pretty sure He can forgo rape as one of them. (which begs the question, if G*d is running your universe and is the guiding force in/reasoning behind all things, why rape exists at all? surely there isnt a proviso for rape in G*d's name too?) in a related peeve, the word "god" does not belong solely to Christianity. nor does the use of it as a name (because really, it's sort of a job description rather than a name if you think about it). when you say things like "in the name of G*d" and etc you had better be prepared for the question "which one?" or better yet, "whose VERSION?"

5 - people who use the phrase "i'm allowed to have my feelings" as a justification for any kind of behavior, a demand that everyone else shut up and put up with their behavior, or the attitude that they must be right just because they're having those feelings. anger is healthy stuff. it should be used sparingly and wisely. over the top reactions to things make people tune you out. dont be surprised if something big happens and no one cares/notices. we're all used to your 9.5 on the Richter Scale freak outs every time you break a nail or cant find your favorite pencil. because of that you have zero right to be verklempt when no one notices that your world actually did just burst into flames and you have less than zero right to be pissy if people are ignoring any situation appropriate anger you try to express simply because they're used to you beating them over the head with your feelings rather than starting an adult conversation about what's upset you.

6 - people who say "if you dont love this country you should leave it." really? REALLY? and go.......................................where exactly? a) leaving the country is a privilege of the rich and b) since when cant i criticize my government or its policies? of equal disdain are people who claim to be "proud" to be a/an insert your country's name here . unless you crawled across the tundra (or whatever) on your lips to get to said country and then became a citizen of that country you have done nothing of which to be proud. you were BORN THERE idiot. more you should be proud that you remembered to wear underwear today or didnt sleep with your sister after that last tractor pull when you drank 7 PBRs in an hour and told your old Sunday school teacher she had great tits for an old lady.

7 - not cleaning out the sink after you do dishes (or doing dishes in a dirty sink to begin with) if you want something clean, use clean things to clean them. once you've cleaned dirty things, clean up the things you used to clean the dirty things. ditto to the people who cook and do the dishes but dont clean the stove, microwave, counter tops, table and so on. (and P.S. please wipe off the sticky fridge handle too)

8 - people who continue to speak to you when you've left the room ----> dont get frustrated with me if i didnt hear what you said. i stopped and listened and engaged in conversation and then i left. i'm not their anymore. you can stop talking now. or, if you have more to say get up off your tuchus and find me again or wait until i come back. this peeve rests on equal footing with people who, when they hear someone call their name, shout back "what?!" and continue to have a conversation at that volume rather than closing the gap between themselves and the person who needs something but cant leave what they're doing.

9 - people who cant engage in a conversation about money or sex without being manipulative or honest about needs and expectations. yes i know it's scary. guess what? it's probably scary for the person you're talking to as well. you dont have the monopoly on that particular feeling. take a breath. take the conversation in small bites. let someone else have feelings besides you. and dont take everything personally (i admit to needing to work on that last one)

10 - people who wake me up when i'm sleeping to ask whether or not i'm asleep. i'm a chronic insomniac. if i'm sleeping THAT is an legitimate and bonafied "gift from G*d". (frankly, i dont care if it's a gift from Satan doing an Andy Warhol impersonation while riding a Skittles shitting unicorn --- I WANT THE DAMN SLEEP SO F*CK THE F*CK OFF!!!!!!!)