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Old 12-21-2009, 12:56 AM   #17
violaine
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hi linus

i am going to respond to the sentences below in separate lines, please.


When we think of our lives we love a lot of people for a variety of reasons (e.g., siblings, friends, parents, etc).

yes, i do believe that for people with siblings/parents/friends- a variety of love can exist.



We do not deny our love for them because we decide who should only love one friend or one parent or one sibling, etc.

again, yes- but the type of relationship i would know with a parent/sibling may differ quite a lot dynamics-wise from how i relate to friends, or a person with whom i want to be close to sexually even more so than family or friendships. friendships may turn into relationships or just remain on a platonic level.


So why do we limit our deeper loves for only one? (work/busy schedule and other stuff aside).

i can only write that i would not consciously set out to place how much love exists for my relationships family/friends/partner. however, i do have a comment about "unconditional love" - in general, and as i read and relate them to your "5" below.

i have set boundaries in my relationships- family/friends/partner. not exactly unconditonal if there are lines drawn.

thinking about a poly relationship involving clear-cut conversations [defined]and mutual decision-making, et c. how do these go hand in hand with a limitless love [involving more than two people at a time] ?

i understand respect, fairness, communication- listening/talking, honesty, and so on. the term "unconditonal love" throws me because it seems [to me] there's an implication of purity/without limits/perfection/unquestionable- love.


best,
belle


There are some biggies that should be parament in any relationship and it's heightened, IMO, in a poly relationship:

1. Communication.
2. Trust
3. Unconditional love
4. Honesty (both the stuff that is nice and stuff that is harsh)
5. Openness



I'm actually kind of curious as to why it might make your life/relationships easier and/or more enjoyable?

I do believe it is about the right mix. For me, I'd love to find a B-F couple that would work with K and me (ideally loves furrkids and kidlets -- bigger the family, the better.). To me, I think it'd be the best option. For both of us, it would ideally address the desire/need for close friend for support (other than lover) as well as another to play with.

Would it be easier? I don't know. Depends on how the relationship goes and how well the five points above are met (they are needed in all relationships but definitely come out more in poly relationships). I had thought about trying to do a LD with a femme but... it didn't quite seem to work (although that might be more due to my schedule being wacky at times). K and I have discussed it and we have figured that it'd be best if it wasn't LD and if it was a couple.

Anyways.. hopefully others will post. I know of one transguy who has two wives and is very happy with that (although life has thrown a huge loop for him thanks to the economy but that's a separate issue).

Oh.. before I forget, The Ethical Slut is a great good and pretty much the poly "Bible". It's a great reference about relationships, even if you don't feel that poly is for you. I'd highly recommend it.
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