[ButchEire]

No kidding, daym, I don't blame you!

Originally Posted by ruby_woo

Not anymore, but I have had some awful roommates in the past.

My college roommate, J: She was constantly eating foods that gave her the worst, stinkiest gas ever. It was terrible, and I was torn between leaving the window open in the middle of winter in Ohio to air out the room and freezing to death, or suffocating from her awful gas in the dorm room. She also used to constantly steal my tampons. Uncool.

My Oakland roommates- I was actually friends with them until we moved in together. They never flushed the toilet. Never bought toilet paper. They had a huge dinner party once, using almost every dish in the house and left the mess for three days. When I asked one of them when they plan to clean up their mess, she blew up at me, calling me controlling. One of them stole my Judy Garland at Carnegie Hall CD. Also uncool.

My Berkeley roommates- seemed normal, until we discovered that the couple responsible for collecting the rent and giving it to the landlord were not paying their share. We were all evicted. Awesome.

My San Francisco roommates- Most of them were also cool until this 19 year old with no job and no school plans and whose rent by paid by his parents moved in. The "no smoking in the apartment, only on the deck rule" became "please smoke pot in the living room only, and if you smoke anymore cigarettes near by bedroom I'll kill you."

Highlights of this time in my life:

- Waking up to find out they had hotboxed the bathtub, leaving ashes everywhere for me to clean up before taking a shower for work.
- Sitting in someone's dried puke on the toilet.
- A horrible mouse infestation that never got better because they left food out all the time.
- Someone got drunk and painted the bathroom red.
- He never showered, and the lovely chenille blankets I left on the living couches started stinking to high hell.
- I was trying to study, and they had an impromptu party involving incredibly loud music, 40 people, and lots of cocaine. On a Tuesday. Without asking me if it was OK.
- They started growing weed in the bedroom closet, jacking up the electricity bill and refusing to pay more.
- They got a cute little wiener dog that they never properly trained and who peed everywhere.
- My Reality Bites VHS went missing.

At one point two of roommates started having sex and tried keeping it a secret, but I always heard sex noises and never saw anyone new in the house. I finally said to the one I closest to "Hey, if you and K are trying to have secret sex, maybe keep the volume down a bit." That part wasn't bad, it was just funny.

I am never again living with someone I'm not sharing a bed with.